HALL OF CHAMPIONS
SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR
I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn
II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum
III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky
IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner
V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene
VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki
VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth
VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki
IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau
X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek
Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki
XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak
All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund
XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek
XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz
XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper
XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak
XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell
XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David
XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron
XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette
XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek
XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz
XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David
XXIV: Stacy “Fucking” Snell
GODS AND MORTALS
I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt
BIG BROTHER
I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott
FALL, CAESAR
2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron
THE ROYAL RUMBLE
2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard
2019: #16 Jake “The Jabroni” Elliott
PLAY WITH THE PROSE
(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron
WEREWOLF (most recent)
Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet
PUZZLE CHALLENGE
I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells
DIPLOMACY
I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)
Casa de Leche 
25 comments
Comments feed for this article
June 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
nibbish
Thank you. This is excellent.
June 23, 2011 at 1:11 pm
daneekasghost
Bowing to pressure from several annoying players…
Now you’re only encouraging them. Expect more ridiculous demands shortly.
June 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm
daneekasghost
Oh, and thank you for putting that up, it’s exactly what I had in mind.
June 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm
spookymilk
Alright, the page is complete. I’m glad there was a Twins game on, ’cause I couldn’t have survived this otherwise.
Also, I will buckle to ALL demands made of me as it relates to this game. Do you hear me? All!
June 24, 2011 at 7:51 am
dearsmitty
Were there not Survivor games I through VI?
June 24, 2011 at 7:54 am
spookymilk
I’m gonna come clean – I just wanted it to sound like I had a lot of history.
…okay, okay. Games I – IV were on MySpace, and V – VI were on Facebook. I’m considering ways to migrate them over.
June 24, 2011 at 11:43 am
daneekasghost
Only do this if you have Rusty’s final challenge from Survivor V. I’ve never seen it, but what I’ve heard about it makes me very interested.
June 24, 2011 at 11:49 am
spookymilk
It’s incredible. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that it’s only saved on my desktop, which has already been packed and moved out.
June 24, 2011 at 12:32 pm
mbnovak
This makes me intrigued… tell me about this Survivor V final…
Also, having absolutely no perspective what-so-ever, I think your description sells the most recent season short. I want to see fuller descriptions of the seasons so that I can confirm how great VIII was.
June 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm
spookymilk
Considering all aspects of the game, Survivor VIII was probably about the fourth or fifth best season, comfortably ahead of two, comfortably behind two and in the middle with the rest. As always, though, it’s hard for me to be certain because I don’t see what goes on with vote-jockeying.
June 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm
spookymilk
Eh, what the hell, let’s give it a shot (starting with the best):
III
V
VII
VIII
I
II
VI
IV
Those of you who played multiples, feel free to chime in.
From the third-best down to the seventh-best, these are sardines. Decent strategies, interesting players, great defining moments.
June 24, 2011 at 2:25 pm
daneekasghost
Having read or participated in V through VIII, I think the only quibble is that I would put VII over V.
VII had N*** P****’* F*** and their hilarious downfall, some of the all-time best challenges (spooky’s words, not mine), strategies and blindsides, plus a fire-building tiebreaker challenge (or its equivalent). Not to mention very few non-submissions.
V had Rusty at his best – which was hilarious, and maybe I’m selling the strategy short because I didn’t participate, but he essentially won by getting immunity every week.
Both were great seasons overall, but I think VII wins for me.
June 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm
dekautz
I can’t compare it to V, but as a participant in both I would rank VII more comfortably ahead of VIII than you have. I think all of what Brooks speaks to in its favor compared to V also count favorably compared to VIII, especially the relative paucity of non-subs (although the last one was certainly the worst one).
June 24, 2011 at 3:27 pm
spookymilk
Brooks, where are you getting the idea that you were in Survivor V?
Ah, “read or participated in,” you says. Never mind. Anyway, for whatever reason, I don’t remember V as well as I wish I did. What I do remember is that three of the top six had won before, and two of the others had almost won. The one other player was Rusty, who took a buzzsaw and cut through all of them.
Fun Fact: if it holds, Survivor IX will be the first game ever to feature no former winners. Well, except Survivor I.
June 24, 2011 at 5:51 pm
seeann
We will have our revenge Brooks!
June 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm
spookymilk
To respond to some other stuff:
Survivor VII did have way, way better challenges than VI did. VI was pretty bad that way. The endgame, strategically, was kind of a blast and Rusty’s outburst certainly kept things interesting. The failings of that season were partially on the players, with all the non-subs, but largely on me, with okayish challenges and a poor early-game format.
As for DK expecting a larger gap between VII and VIII, I wish I could tell you that the non-sub problems in VIII were one of a kind, but every season I listed behind it is littered with them as well, IV in particular.
I did consider a few swaps: V with VII, and II with VI. Ryan just played such an awesome strategic game in II that I don’t have the heart to call it a bad season, even though a couple of poor decisions by players made it so non-submitters stayed around forever.
June 24, 2011 at 7:58 pm
daneekasghost
Heehee. I forgot about ‘Jesus is Inside of Me’. That is certainly a point in season V’s favor.
(The challenge was to write an inappropriate elementary school play that would fly over the heads of the kids or naive adults. Choice lines from the winning entry include:
James don’t be silly. Jesus wants nothing more than to be deep inside of you. It’s his favorite.
****
James: What do you mean guys? Jesus is going to come? When?
Tommy: Nobody really knows. We’re all just waiting in anticipation for him to come. And when he does. Oh boy. If you think you can feel him now, just wait. You’ll be able to feel his love all over you.
****
They say that when Jesus comes, he’ll be able to spread his love over everything. Babies, and animals, and adults will all be showered and covered with his warm love.)
June 24, 2011 at 8:16 pm
daneekasghost
So now I’m re-reading season V, and do you want to know the funniest thing in the entire season? The eliminations.
Observe:
Elim. 1 – non-submitter
Elim. 2 – non-submitter
Elim. 3 – non-submitter
Elim. 4 – non-submitter
Elim. 5 – non-submitter (team challenge. Team didn’t submit)
Elim. 6 – non-submitter (team challenge. Different Team didn’t submit)
Elim. 7 – non-submitter
Elim. 8 – non-submitter
Elim. 9 – non-submitter (team challenge. Team of two didn’t submit. both eliminated)
Elim. 10 – non-submitter (team challenge. Team of two didn’t submit. both eliminated)
Elim. 11 – non-submitter
Elim. 12 – non-submitter
Elim. 13 – everyone submitted, someone got voted out
Elim. 14 – non-submitter
Elim. 15 – resignation, which saved a non-submitter
Elim. 16 – everyone submitted, someone forgot to vote, thus casting a self-vote, causing a tie. they lost the tiebreaker.
Elim. 17 – non-submitter
Elim. 18 – non-submitter
Elim. 19 – eliminated by spooky for submitting something that was not what was asked for in the challenge
Final Challenge – everyone submitted!
June 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm
nibbish
Yeah, that definitely seems better than VII.
June 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm
daneekasghost
I didn’t note that Eliminations 1-12 were eliminating 2 people per challenge (there were four teams, so 2 of the 4 were eliminating one person for each of the first 6 weeks). So it’s not quite as soul-crushing as I made it look, lengthwise, but there were still a lot of non-submissions.
June 24, 2011 at 8:37 pm
spookymilk
THAT is season FIVE?!
Sweet Christ. No wonder I wasn’t ready for VI when Ben and Rusty started needling me to do it.
I’ll, um, mess with things a little.
(…oh, and I’ve never forgotten about “Jesus is Inside of Me.” There is no possible better submission for that challenge. I wish Patrick would play again, but he seems to be done with it)
June 24, 2011 at 8:43 pm
daneekasghost
There are some fantastic entries by the people who did submit, I wasn’t really trying to rag on the season. Reading it, it was so ridiculous, I felt I had to point it out.
June 24, 2011 at 9:02 pm
spookymilk
Survivor VII had the best participation, and I doubt any season comes close. The two in front of it are only there because of the great array of players, both strategically and talent-wise. I never would have guessed non-subs were that much of a problem in V, though.
June 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm
daneekasghost
This reminds me, no one took a shot at Todd Karner in the latest version, did they?
Another Survivor first!
June 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm
spookymilk
Holy crap.
Todd actually played in Survivor III. The jokes at his expense flew freely that year. He also appeared in Survivor V, and one team named themselves “Do I Have to Read what Todd Writes?”