“Ensign,” Kirk says, cooly.  “Please…hand me my…cologne.  I heard there’s a certain counselor on board who’s in need of a…captain’s log.”

“Yes, sir!” the nondescript ensign says, handing his captain his cologne, as well as a comb.

“I hear she’s an empath,” Kirk continues, primping himself.  “She’s going to experience feelings she’s never…felt…before.”

“Yes, sir!” the ensign repeats.

As Kirk finishes looking in the mirror, he says to no one in particular, “Now all we need is some chocolate and a bottle of champage.”

“Sir!” the ensign pipes up.  “I’ll get that for you, sir!”  Walking over to the replicator, the ensign places the captain’s order.  But instead of champagne, the ensign hears a few odd beeps, than sparks fly as he tumbles backwards into the room.


“Would you have me believe that you did not know the root beer that came from your bar wasn’t poisoned?” Odo barks at Quark, now behind a force field.

“I’m not a killer!” Quark whines.  “I held no malice towards anyone who’s dead, including Garak!”

“That may be, but if someone offered you enough gold-pressed latinum…”

“And risk losing my bar?”

“Odo, this is Kira,” is heard over the communicator.

“Yes, Major.”

“Some guy wearing a red shirt is dead.  He was with Kirk.  His replicator appears to have been booby-trapped.”

Odo looks at Quark, and sighs.  “Do we know whether or not Kirk was the perpetrator’s target?”

“No we don’t, sir,” Kira says.

“Can I go now?” Quark whines.

Odo lowers the force field.  “I’ve still got my eye on you.”

beau (Commander William T. Riker, died happy)
adobery (Lieutenant Commander Worf, launched from promenade)
nibbish (Commander Katherine Pulaski, MD, pulverized)
kg2005 (Elim Garak, poisoned)
greekhouse (Ensign, electrocuted)
Daneeka’s Ghost
Dread Pirate