Greetings, Survivors. Y’all had me worried…All of these came in with less than an hour to go, and two came in with under ten minutes to go. I’m reasonably sure there are some LOL-worthy jokes here, but I’m sick today so I had to take it on faith a little. Still, it’s pretty obvious that much fun and tomfoolery is to be had here, even if nothing hit me as hard as Ben’s “Whole Family” joke a couple of seasons ago.

On every question, the order of answers is nibbish and his Vogons, I’m With Stupid, and finally SPOILER ALERT!. We’ve put our comments after the point-getting entries.

DK and I differed on a lot of these. Normally that would mean that one (DK) or both of us was an idiot, but there were really a lot of worthy answers in this thing. Really, folks…well done.

1 Okay, but it’s twice the cost for full sevice.

-Could you change the other half of my oil, please?

DK: I almost picked the third one, but it got to be too much work to keep track of what it was saying.

-That was nice. You can send Mr. Kelly Wells in now.
-Ok, so if I go for the full service plan I save more than 30% of the cost of the original service plan initiation fee, and I save 40% of the limited service plan initiation fee and all of the installment fees but then I pay for the full service installment initiation fee, which is half of the price of the limited and original service fee packages together, and I get unlimited use of the rewards view online service happy pages but registration is 2% of my AGI, plus a limited time only service charge fee per month, per member, so that’s a total savings of 30% off of the limited service plan price and 40% off of the limited, plus the extra fees for the reward happy pages, am I right?

K: I like all three of these. I normally don’t go for answers this long, but this is the rare gag that hinges on annoying length.

2 I went for it, but I missed wide right.

-I had never really tried cunnilingus before.

K: Well, hey, I like all three of these too. This one provided the most unexpected joke, though, and the idea that these words would be used to describe the situation tickles me.

-The accident investigator cleared his throat, glanced at the written summary in front of him, and then turned his glare on the witness. “On the afternoon of June the 10th, at the Buffalo Motor Speedway, you tried passing on the outside going around the turn heading into the straightaway. Your car, number 47, lost traction, went airborne and landed in the crowd. Three spectators died and at least 10 others were injured. Mr. Norwood, in your own words, could you explain to me what exactly happened?”

DK: Here I like the longest one the best, for once.

-Your Fox News show was aiming for “fair and balanced,” do you think you achieved that?

3 A slide rule, an apple and a piece of the Blarneystone.

-Only one Plinko chip? What items did you have to guess on?

DK: This is going to be a lot of me saying “I laughed the most at this one.”

-Tell me, how in the hell do you measure the gravity of this situation?

K: I figured these wouldn’t be great, since I made it so impossible. This one attempts to really get after it, though.

-Worst punchline ever?

4 It’s no surprise they melted, then.

-Man, I sure goofed on the kids’ birthday present – instead of the Playskool Noah’s Ark, I got them the Ark of the Covenant.

K: The Ark of the Covenant was so obvious (it’s what I probably would have used) that I never thought I’d give it a point, but the wording here, right down to “I really goofed,” is awesome.
DK: Sometimes when you have multiple teams with the same idea, it hurts both of them. Sometimes it just illuminates which one is a little better than the others.

-I heard Bill and Ted snuck a peek at the Ark of the Covenant.
-Know a good anagram for “Lenny mutters it: deep horse shit?”

5 It was my video game knowledge that saved my life.

-Mr. President, you did a barrel roll?

K: Again, the unlikeliness of this one gets the point. Major negative points to the team that did the Konami code and put B and A in the wrong order.

-So wait, you once dueled the devil for your soul, but instead of fiddles you played Guitar Hero?
-So the code to disarm the nuclear weapon was up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-A-B-start?

DK: This is my favorite video game reference here.

6 Still, I don’t think it was interesting enough for 26 pages.

-Sure, I’ve read the iTunes EULA…
-The kids really seem to be enjoying Arnold Ziffel’s Famous Hogs Alphabet Book

DK: Also just my favorite reference here.

-Did you hear that the Pentagon released document MIL-C-44072C, their official brownie recipe?

K: I’m not in love with any of these, but yes, pointless bureaucracy does amuse me in this instance.

7 So that’s what really happened to Elvis and Tupac.

-Have you ever wrapped bacon around a pork chop?

DK: I’m not sure why, but I laughed a lot.

-I think that was the best show I’ve seen in Branson!

K: Nice use of the exclamation point here – it’s just pure joy on the part of our showgoers. Holy crap, what would that show even be?

-Most people die at some point in their lives.

8 Because my cat is stuck in the shower drain.

-Why does your dog keep pissing in your shower?

K: These are all awesomely dark, but the idea of a dog being this needlessly cruel to an enemy who’s already in a horrifying situation makes me laugh. I’m a bad person.

-Why are your ankles all bandaged up?

DK: Imagining someone taking showers repeatedly, doggedly, while their cat continues to be stuck there…yeah, I laughed the most.

-What makes you think you have mice in your plumbing?

9 You could get the same result by banging a bunch of pots and pans together.

-My third grader’s band is going to be in the school’s talent show, do you want to watch?
-I’m going to see Nickleback tonight!

K: Yet again, I like them all (and I have to say, though I rarely go for the political humor, it’s subtle enough to work this time around). Nickelback is misspelled here, but the joke still works, and it’s probably okay to not know how to spell Nickelback.
DK: Nope, not tired of Nickelback jokes yet.

-Did you vote in the 2004 presidential election?

10 It was pretty weird, but you could turn it into a beer commercial.

-Did that polar bear just call me a mother fucker?

K: None of these are perfect, but the absurdity of this situation is pretty fun. What are you going to do, stand up to the polar bear? I suppose this is closer to a Coca-Cola commercial, but meh.

-Remember that time we got picked up hitchhiking by that cannibal and ended up hanging out with him all night?

DK: The third one just tried a little too hard and ended up too on-the-nose.

-Remember that bar we went to last night where everyone was unreasonably good looking, and everyone was talking and laughing but not with or at each other, and there were like three moments in which everything went into slow motion and that big ass fan turned on and then a supermodel walked through the middle of the bar licking her lips at no one in particular, and everyone was drinking the same beer except some average looking and unhappy dudes in the corner?

11 I should have known that’s what “Louie Louie” was about.

-I never knew of Mr. Berry’s obsession with Duck Tales.

K: None are real standouts here. I find it interesting that the teams all seemed to be inspired most by the same ones. By the way, why the Zeppelin reference?
DK: I find a Duck Tales obsession in general the funniest.

-And you know how Led Zeppelin once banged a chick with a mudshark in Seattle?
-I heard he wrote it standing in a long line at a stadium bathroom.

12 Well, that’s one way to survive a nuclear blast.

-He’s taking his Kafka fanhood too far, isn’t he?

DK: I will endorse Kafka over Spielberg.

-I made a suit of armor out of copies of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
-My cat is stuck in the shower drain.

K: BANG. That is a PERFECT callback. Utterly perfect.

13 That’s an unlikely use of your theater degree.

-It’s time to make some money, bitches!

K: I knew answers like these would be offered, but I still like all of them. The stupid optimism here gets the edge.
DK: Something just strikes me as the best swerve in emotion with this combination. Or, you know, I laughed the most.

-I got a role in a movie people will actually watch!
-Did you know that I’m a professional actor?

14 I guess that’s the one good thing about visiting a KKK complex.

-We haven’t lost a basketball game there in 12 years!

K: Oh, lord, I love how racism is used to fight racism here. This is one of the best in the whole challenge.
DK: I bet it’s even harder to jump when someone’s wearing a bedsheet.

-The whole time I was there, they didn’t show a single Eddie Murphy movie.
-Jeff never did get rid of his “CK” stutter.

15 I wanted to go because they have the hottest chicks.

-Why did you vacation at Death Valley Hatcheries?

K: Ha! All three are essentially the same. When in doubt, go for the specificity. Naming the place puts this one over the edge (I know the third one names it too, but the name here is less obvious and more specific).
DK: Everybody went for the “other” meaning, so I guess I like the fleshing-out via a vacation purpose the most.

-I see you went right over to the eggs under the heat lamps.
-But why Incubators ‘R’ Us?

16 I wanted to go because they have the hottest guys.

-I suppose I’m being shallow when I say I picked it for its beautiful campus. What made you choose that school?
-You’re not Buddhist, so why would you go to one of their anti-war protests?

K: No real great ones here. It’s almost like this game is primarily full of men who like women.
DK: Monk fetish?

-Why didja want to go to da Fleet Farm for your rope needs?

17 Peer pressure makes a (guy/girl) do stupid things.

-Why the long face, Benito?
-And so you shredded some denim into a pipe and smoked it?
-You got a tattoo that says “hermaphrodite?!?”

K: Oh, wow. I had another one picked until I realized how I worded the answer. Nicely done.
DK: I think this is the most ridiculous, and therefore, funniest.

18 It was a misprint, and one letter made all the difference.

-He got the job because he sent in an extra recommendation? I saw them putting ink on his fingers, how did he pass the background check?

DK: I’ll pick the one this time that does go in a different direction.

-It was supposed to be “Get Her Done”, but the Teleprompter got it wrong.
-Wait, he got fired for selling seersucker sluts?

K: Alright, none of these are grabbing me. “Sluts” is an odd way to misprint “suits” by just one letter, but I still don’t even know what the other two are going for. I might know if I spent a lot of time on it, but if I did that they wouldn’t be funny anymore anyway.

19 It was going so well until he slipped.

-In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

K: The other two might be hurting each other by being so similar, but this contemporary, casual line being stuck after this classic literary line is pretty funny. Hell, you could probably put this line after a lot of classic openers and have it work.

-How was the bris?
-I hear Rabbi Steinberg isn’t allowed to perform bris anymore?

DK: Here’s another one of those multiple team ones, but the third one is definitely more substantial.

K: 10-4-5
DK: 10-6-3

nibbish and his Vogons: 20
I’m With Stupid: 10

Well, after a couple of weeks of unfortunate luck and tragedy, SA! will have to lose a third member after an extremely close challenge. Everyone on the team gets to vote, and tiebreakers will be determined by performance up to this point (including Fiction 59); a head-to-head system will be used where whichever person scored higher in more weeks is the Immune one. If there’s a draw, I’ll fall to average score. If there’s still a draw, I’ll flip a coin. I doubt any of this will come into play, but it has to be here.

You have until Tuesday at 9am Central to vote, and anyone who doesn’t vote before then will vote for him or herself.

Cheers, Survivors.