As Mike Rivet’s Tools For Winning stood on their beach, contemplating which of them would be sacrificed that day, Drake waddled off alone. “Guys, now’s the time! Let’s off the duck!” said someone, “All in favor, say who you’re voting for.”

Vote 1: Drake.

Vote 2: Humberto. He knows too much.

“Wait, I thought we were all agreed!” And the team descended into bickering.

They were interrupted by a commanding quack. Turning from their argument, they all saw the same thing: Drake had managed to open one of his time portals. But this was different. Not just a haze of green, through which they could vaguely see what time and place lay on the other side. No, this one was clear. It was small – too small for any of them to fit through, save the water fowl – but it was steady. On the other side, they could clearly see the lab on the Bosphorus, exactly as the mallard had described it.

“I must leave you now,” explained Drake. And the rest of them knew it to be true. “Now hurry, before Noe Vakh is able to stop me, you must all vote me out. I’ll go through the portal and bring back help. I can save us all!”

Vote 3: I vote for Drake Constantinople. My friends, fear not for the time traveling duck, Noe Vakh can only destroy me if he can find me. I will return for you all when the portal stability has been recalibrated. Don’t lose heart! Somewhere, there is a raven-haired scientist of our dreams who will solve our problems and complete our lives. I wish I had more time to explain that last sentence.

Vote 4: Drake. Now we’re one-third of the way to a turducken. Math: It’s Delicious!

Vote 5: I vote for Drake the lame duck. It’s a quackin’ tragedy.

Vote 6: I always preferred hunting ducks to playing with them. Goodbye Drake.

Vote 7: Drake Constantinople

Vote 8: Drake.

Vote 9: Drake. For turkey day, the duck must die.

Vote 10: I vote for the duck. Drake, as I said at your farewell supper – “On your way home, may I propose a flyover of the Synergy camp…perhaps after a meal of cheap beer, chili and Ex-Lax?”

“I’m sorry my friend, there is no time (somewhat ironically) for such a flyover.”

And with that, Jonathan “Drake Constantinople” Pope stepped through the time portal, and became the 12th elimination from Survivor XIV. The team watched through the portal as Drake attempted to widen the stream, for all of them to pass through. A look of worry crossed his face.

“I’m sorry my friends! Something is wrong. We all voted for me, right? We needed absolute agreement! Something is preventing me from fixing the stream! Somewhere among you, there must be an agent of Noe Vakh!* Be careful!” With that, the portal began to close.

At precisely that moment, Noe Vakh himself stepped from the shadows, laughing maniacally.
“Mwahahahahaha! No duck can save you now! Mwahahahahaha! Have a nice Thanksgiving. I’ll see you all on Sunday night. Mwahahahahaha!”

*Not really. This is all just dramatic effect here. No actual implications for the game.

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