Things are getting tough in there, Survivors. I hope you’re all ready for this. If not, though, that’s cool too (and perhaps funnier, if you’re the one getting eliminated).

Let’s get this running with ESV’s elimination.

If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so.

The retired porn star, Brock Hardcastle, pulls a long shaft from his pants and produces it to me.

This is a hidden immunity idol. All votes cast for Brock Hardcastle will not count.

Vote One: Brock Hardcastle. “ It is with heavy heart that I must take it this far,

But my vote goes to Brock, Once-Again-Retired Porn Star.”

Vote Two: Brock Hardcastle. “This sets my stomach ill-at-ease because it’s a warning that nobody is safe. Brock came out guns blazing and never let up. He’s good. Maybe too good.”

Vote Three: Brock Hardcastle. “”This is prob going to feel like a knife in his back” Tom said pointedly”

Vote Four: Brock Hardcastle. “My vote is for Brock. You were integral to our team as far as challenges go, but your social game needs a lot of work. Your lies and throwing people under the bus during the Wind vote had everyone questioning you. I don’t think you were honest and loyal to a single person and that is a huge mistake. Did you think we wouldn’t talk to each other? Even though we butted heads a bit, I wouldn’t have voted for you if I could actually trust you. A bit of advice, maybe catch a season of Survivor or two. You’ll see that being a challenge beast can only get you so far, but you can’t win the game if you can’t be trusted.”

Well, everyone having fun? There are two more votes after the jump.

Vote Five: The Rhyming Couplet Kid.

Vote Six: The Rhyming Couplet Kid. “God I hope you’re Novak”

He isn’t.

Twelfth Elimination from Spookymilk Survivor XVI: Melissa “The Rhyming Couplet Kid” Diamond

This one was…wow. This was indescribable, gang. I have no words other than “Jesus, this is a good season.”

Melissa’s rhymes got her in good with people and I was…sigh…actually pretty proud of the game she was playing. This is a hell of a thing, but the game marches on.

With the nasty business of losing 1/7th of our remaining players out of the way, it’s time for a new challenge. And hey, let me admit that I was relieved at the double elimination because I still needed one more team challenge and was sick of coming up with them.

But hey, how about a merge first? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH okay I realize it’s not as meaningful as usual since you’ve all already had the chance to meet, but at any rate, your tribes have become one, and it’s time for one of you to email me with a name for the new merged tribe. There is no game benefit to doing so (I once offered an immunity idol for doing this without even announcing that there would be a merged name, but this is not happening here – let me be clear about that); it’s just a bit of fun.

This one is called The Battle for Stonehenge. As a kid I loved seemingly mystical places and stories like this, and for whatever reason, I’ve never used them in Spookymilk Survivor. This time around, three of the post-merge challenges will be from weird ancient stories like that.

Now, I love Stonehenge and I hope to see it in person someday, but for this challenge, it’s merely a backdrop for us to play King of the Mountain.

Each of you are standing atop one of the fifteen structures at Stonehenge (that’s not the actual number, but work with me here). When you send moves for this, the only coordinates that matter are the ones in the center of each structure.

You’re trying to be one of the last three people on Stonehenge. When we get down to three, those three will be immune.

There are four different moves on each turn, and you will take turns doing them. How is the order determined? By an energy cache each of you have. You each have 1,000 energy, and on each turn, the order will be determined by how much you’re willing to spend (whole integers only, please).

I’ll give you your four options, and then I’ll lay out a basic move.

Dropkick. You send a coordinate (not a person) to dropkick. If that person is still there and isn’t blocking when your turn is up, you kick them off the structure and they’re out. If they’re blocking or they’ve moved, you’ll fall to your own death. When you successfully dropkick someone, you move into their space.

Jump. Simply an evasive maneuver to get you to an empty spot. If the spot is no longer empty by the time your turn comes up, you will fall to your death.

Block. If anyone tries to dropkick your position, you will block them and they’ll fall. However, if a person attempts to dropkick you and spends more energy in that turn than you did on your block, they’ll be successful because you’re not in your blocking stance yet.

Nothing. Expend no energy and do nothing. You have to send this, though, in order to avoid being considered a nonsub.

Nonsubs, by the way, will now automatically self-cast three votes. So don’t screw this up.

So let me run through a quick six-person round:

Our six fake players are named Crispity, Crunchity, Peanut-Buttery, Uncharitably, Chihuahualy and Melancholy-ly. There is one empty space.

Their moves (and energy expended):

Crispity dropkicks Crunchity’s position (450)

Crunchity jumps to the empty space (620)

Peanut-Butter jumps to the empty space (376)

Uncharitably blocks (250)

Chihuahualy dropkicks Uncharitably’s position (414)

Melancholy-ly dropkicks Uncharitably’s position (320)


Crunchity (620) successfully jumps to the empty space.

Crispity (450) is now attempting to dropkick an empty position. Crispity falls.

Chihuahualy (414) successfully dropkicks Uncharitably and takes his place. Uncharitably falls.

Peanut-Buttery (376) tries to jump to the previously empty space, now held by Crunchity. Peanut-Buttery falls.

Melancholy-ly (320) successfully dropkicks Chihuahualy, who is now in the Uncharitably position. Chihuahualy falls.

Uncharitably (250). This block is meaningless and not figured into things, because Uncharitably is already out.

So as you can see, it can be a mess of activity. Just two of the six are still around. Will it be that bloody in our game? I really don’t know. If the game starts to take potentially too long, I’ll announce that I’m removing unoccupied structures periodically.

If you run out of energy but are still in the game, a move of “Nothing” is assumed and you are still able to win immunity if others are out before you.

When there are three left, moves will immediately stop even if more people would have fallen over the course of the rest of the turn.

So there you go. This challenge really isn’t that complicated, though I’m sure it looks it. I’m eager to see how crazily or annoyingly it plays.

I thought for a while about whether it was better to post your energy expenditure or not. I’m going to go ahead and do that this time, so factor this into your moves, if necessary.

Ties will be left to random order, so be aware of that, too. I hope that doesn’t happen much.

Your first move is due tomorrow night (Thursday) at 9pm Central. At that time I will tabulate all the moves one by one. You can even watch me do it! Also, PLEASE send coordinates and not the name of your target. That’ll make it so much easier for me.

Cheers, Survivors.