Don't Mess.

Spookymilk Survivor Game Creator and Judge from I – X; Occasional Werewolf Mod

I’m Kelly “Spookymilk” Wells.  I write, act and occasionally direct, but never all at once because I am not Clint Eastwood.  A show I’m slated to be in was greenlighted by Fox in late 2011, but the money transfer was held up and I’m playing the waiting game. Showbiz sucks.  I have an IMDb page over at that’s pretty bare, but two years ago it was nonexistent, so.

Hobbies include baseball (watching, not playing), creating and running games, TV, film and video games. More-than-hobbies include attempting to sell a feature script called Ten Deaths as well as a few shorts.

I like wit.  I love sarcasm.  Shock is great, if it works.  If it comes off as desperate, I won’t just hate it – I’ll hate you and everything about you.

My highest aspiration is to win Spookymilk Survivor someday, so I played Turbo Survivor I. A bunch of my friends eliminated me. It hurt, guys. It hurt deeply.

In case you’ve forgotten or lost my email address, it’s

Don't Mess.

Judge for Survivor VII, VIII, and Turbo Survivor I; second place in Survivor X

I’m Beau (last name redacted in case my employers love The Google).  I social work in between Twins games.  I do not have an IMDb page, but I am also not named after the world’s ugliest porn star, so it’s a wash.

My hobbies include tennis, Star Trek, and growing rhubarb (though not as well as Mr. Runner).

Turnoffs:  Scatological humor, contrived double entendres (unless the humor is the contrivance).

Turnons:  Subtlety, irony, tearjerkers, and puns

Don't Mess.

Werewolf Narrator/Mediator/God, fifth place in Survivor VII

This is Brendon “Greekhouse” Stanton, but he didn’t write his own bio, so he’s at The Milkman’s mercy.

Brendon is a humongous math hero (sounds better than “nerd”) with an Erdos Number of 3. He’s an assistant professor of math and computer science at The Citadel. I assume it’s The Citadel from Mass Effect 2, but I guess that could be wrong.

Messing is Probably Not Going to Get You Into Trouble.

Judge for Survivor X and Turbo Survivor I, fourth place in Survivor VII

This nasty li’l bastard is Dan “DK” Kautz, the official spookymilk pick for best player never to win the game (Sam and Geoff, you’re close). Although I expect him to play once I run my all-star season, he was the Simon to my Paula for season ten. Okay, so he’s not a surly judge like Simon – he’s got essentially the same bedside manner than I do – but I’ve just always wanted to be Paula Abdul.

Although DK is a judge here, he’s a lawyer in real life; tread carefully, gentle Survivors.

Don't Mess.

Judge for Turbo Survivor I; Occasional Werewolf Revenge Voter; Superhero’s Dream Girl

I’m Stefanie Briggs aka Lois Lane.

I write by day and by night and whenever someone does something stupid in a sleepy suburb of Minnesota.

I have judged in journalism writing contests and I’ve also entered in such contests and placed in them. So I know what it’s like to judge and be judged when it comes to writing. Being a reporter in daily and weekly newspapers, monthly publications and now online news, I also know what it’s like to write under time constraints and pressure.

I like sci-fi, fantasy, horror/thrillers and children’s literature. I tend to enjoy reading fiction more than non-fiction. I get enough reality with my work.

I don’t like run-on sentences, tons of semi-colons or really gross stuff, but I have a pretty high tolerance. Time travel, alternate realities, other worlds, drama, humor (wry and witty) are good in my book. Think outside the box and I’m hooked.

Don't Mess.

Mr. Smith Goes to Lecheville header creator; Survivor X Champion

Peter “nibbish” Bruzek created this ridiculous header I’m using now. He’s also played Survivor four times and is now part of the elite winner’s club. Greedy dick.