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Vote One: Sarah Bizek (nonsub vote).

Vote Two: Sarah.

Vote Three: Sarah.

Vote Four: Sarah. “It isn’t Cerie being cut because of infinite immunities, but it’s still pretty crummy.”

Vote Five: Sarah. “I feel bad because she was in the hospital”

Vote Six: Sarah. “*Sniff* Sadly, my vote is for Sarah. Take care of yourself, Beezypoof!”

Mod life sucks, yo. And take care, indeed.

Fifth Elimination from Spookymilk Survivor XXII: Sarah Bizek
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I typically don’t have to work on Sundays, but I’m here now, which kinda blows but I suppose I have time to sneak around and make this post. Of course, it would be a faster situation if I wasn’t wasting time telling you about how I’m at work.

Vote One: Colin Woolston. “I can’t tell if this is right. It might be right TECHNICALLY, but MORALLY? My heart weeps.”

Vote Two: Melissa David.
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A non-nonsub elimination is always an early treat in a writing game. Away we go…

Vote One: Brooks Maki. “No skating this time, buddy.”

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Nonsub eliminations, woooooooooooooooo

Vote One: Raymond Camper (nonsub vote).

Vote Two: Raymond. “A pithy voting comment cannot convey the depths of my disappointment.”
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First and foremost, welcome Brendan Bonham to the judging booth. Assuming he’s fairly quick with results, we’ll be rolling with the three of us for the rest of the season.

Second and secondmost, let’s get to an elimination. T3AM will open up the corpse-pile this season:

Vote One: Laurel Ogren. (nonsub vote)

Vote Two: Laurel.
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Neville hereby submits the longest vote comment in the history of Spookymilk Survivor:

———————————————————-

“When I found out I won the challenge, I was elated yet torn. I’ve worked hard with both players and really bonded with them. How am I to pick? Being the level-headed type, I knew I had to come at this decision with the utmost fair and unbiased mindset I could have.

Or I could become drunk with power and make them do haikus. I did the latter.

I requested that both players submit a haiku that would explain why they should make it to the final 2. I wanted it to move me, inspire me, and bring me to tears. I wanted them to be the most beautiful syllable patterns I’ve ever read.

Then I realized they’re probably both asleep. Shit. Fast forward five seconds to now. I sit here, impatient, wondering what could have been. I close my eyes and the scene plays out in front of me:

All of the students sit in the banquet hall, eagerly waiting for the haikus to start. We’ve been so excited since I, Neville Longbottom, came up with this idea twenty minutes ago. I’m sitting directly in front of the stage with my quill and paper, ready to take notes. Anthony and Cho stand on stage and look out to the crowd. The rest of the students shuffle in their chairs, ready for the show to start. Everyone is in attendance: Hannah, Goyle, Daphne, Lavender, Luna, Padma, Harry Potter 1, Harry Potter 2, Blaise, etc. Even Hagrid made it! I find myself pleased with the turnout.
Cho steps forward and reads her Haiku.

This is so much fun.
I’ve really liked playing this.
Please God, let me live.

Cho steps back in line with Anthony. The crowd applauds, but is a little confused about the delivery of the third line. Now it’s Anthony’s turn. Anthony steps forward and takes off his robe to reveal-

HE’S BEEN A FUCKING FISH THE ENTIRE TIME. The crowd gasps.

Writer’s note: At this point, I realized I cannot for the life of me picture Anthony Goldstein talking, so I mentally panicked and turned him into a fish.

I look at Anthony’s new form with curiosity. He looks like a salmon, judging from the excellent robe he’s wearing. He speaks.

Interesting fact:
I don’t need this shit to win.
Get fucked, salmon out.

The crowd is stunned into silence. Anthony grabs the microphone with his fish mouth and drops it. The reverb echoes through the hall just before being drown out by the uproar and applause. The students rush the stage and hoist Anthony’s new piscine form. I look down at my notes and realize how foolish it was to even think I needed them. Anthony clearly won this challenge. I watch as the students carry Anthony out of the banquet hall. The quiet sound of a sad girl is heard from the stage. I turn back and see Cho standing there, looking down at her haiku and fighting back the tears. Cho, sweet Cho, looks broken over her lose in the haiku battle.

Then it hits me. I start to see all the great times Cho and I shared throughout this amazing adventure. Like a montage from the 80’s, our memories are played to the sound of Air Supply’s “I’m All Out of Love”. (Editor’s note: You can also substitute Seether’s cover of Careless Whisper here if you’d like. It’s a guilty pleasure.) The montage is overwhelming.

“Stop! Just stop it! I can’t do this!” I exclaim. Cho looks up at me, surprised. She wipes away her tear and smiles at me.

I’ve reached my decision.

I choose to send Anthony Goldstein home. I will be joined in the final 2 by Cho Chang.

***

Honestly, this was a tough decision and I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I’d like to go further into detail about it, but I feel I should leave that for the jurors to ask about. I’m sorry Anthony. You’ve been a fantastic partner, but I feel I need to repay Cho for her extreme loyalty. It is my hope that you don’t hate me and that we can play this scenario out differently next time.”

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…………

Twenty-Sixth Elimination from Spookymilk Survivor XX: Anthony “Heavily Featured Extra” Goldstein

I was going to call him Anthony “Voldemort” Goldstein and suggest he was in cover so deep that even he didn’t know about it, but went the other way. Well, by any name or alignment, Anthony damn near pulled this thing off despite being in an unenviable merge position.

And now we turn to you, young jurors. Neville Longbottom and Cho Chang await your questions and judgment.

Have questions to me by tonight at 9pm Central, if possible. Cheers.

Last elimination before the last elimination. It’s been a wild game, and although my instinct is to get mushy and talk love to all of you, I know on some level that this is due to the state of my thirty-seven empty butterbeers, and will refrain to protect the reputation of my sober counterpart.

Let’s see who’s joining the jury tonight.

Vote One: Neville Longbottom. “I know I’m out. Its been a blast as usual”

Vote Two: Hannah Abbott. “Sorry Hannah”
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Why am I getting tired so early these days? Is my youth really over?

Anyway, all four houses lasted to the top five…let’s see if we made it to four.

Vote One: Gregory Goyle. *Crosses fingers I’m not getting betrayed*

Vote Two: Anthony Goldstein. “good luck you squibs!”
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Home stretch, Students. Let’s see how your alliances are looking.

Vote One: Hermione Granger.

Vote Two: Gregory Goyle.
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This is probably the longest streak I’ve ever had of multiple players telling me they’re worried about a vote. Let’s see whose worries were founded…

Vote One: Gregory Goyle. “Sorry bud, it’s you or me. If it is me, good luck to everyone and great game!”

Vote Two: Ginny Weasley.

Vote Three: Neville Longbottom.
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Your competition, and also you

HALL OF CHAMPIONS

SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR

I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

GODS AND MORTALS
I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

BIG BROTHER
I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie

FALL, CAESAR
2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak

CUTTHROAT JUNCTION CHAMPION
Kelly “Yes, He’s a Player Too” Wells

Link to the Cutthroat Junction site. Over there, we do once-a-month strategic mega-games while the champion defends his title in a one-on-one. Head over to see how it works.

THE ROYAL RUMBLE
2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise

PLAY WITH THE PROSE
(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

PUZZLE CHALLENGE
I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

DIPLOMACY
I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)

SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR XXII

WILLY

Annette Barron
Jared Cedar
Bret Highum
Dan Kautz
Matt Novak

KHAN’S SORE BLUEBERRIES

Shawn Ashley
Jonathon Pope
Colin Woolston

T3AM

Ken Krouner
Jeph Novak
Christina Pepper
Zack Sauvageau
erik sundberg

THE GRAVEYARD
18th: Laurel Ogren (T3AM)
17th: Raymond Camper (Khan’s Sore Blueberries)
16th: Brooks Maki (Khan’s Sore Blueberries)
15th: Melissa David (Khan’s Sore Blueberries)
14th: Sarah Bizek (Willy)