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The Dubai World Cup, as with most shady horse races, was marred by double-dealing and subterfuge. Catch the fever!

When the dust cleared, Rogue Two (Joe Rakstad and Mike Tomera) still had the fewest points, and were…not eliminated, as this was the second of three non-elimination stages.

Here’s the updated table. Rogue Two hangs on by a thread, with the Macho Brochachoes not far ahead.

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First, the results of the March Madness tournament. Wildly enough, each team sent one person to the second round. In the end, Chris Dykhoff won the tournament to send Ain’t So Chard into first place, while the team of “no name yet” – Zach Schmidt and Rene Pare – fell and were eliminated.

Here are the current standings for the seven remaining teams.

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I really liked Bowl the Vole, but it’s probably tough to read and follow for viewers. Anyway, Chloroform Perfume (Colin Wolfson and Melissa David) stormed up the table with the win, and afterward, we lost In and Out of Sobriety (Carrie Bard and Stacy Snell), who are now able to enjoy their drinks again, after a strict diet of no alcohol during the season.

Here are your updated standings for the season.

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FIFTH STOP: GLENDALE, ARIZONA: MARCH MADNESS

Let’s keep it simple, gang. Well, not that the last challenge was particularly simple. So, let’s MAKE it simple.

There are sixteen of you sweet cats still in this game, and it’s March, so this beautiful confluence leads us to a bracketed tournament. The sixteen of you have been paired (mostly randomly, with the only exception being that you and your partners can’t possibly meet until the finals) and each of you have 1000 energy points to spend for the entire tournament.

For tonight, you will simply submit the number of points you want to spend to attempt to win your “game” against your first opponent. Full integers only – no halves or anything. Then for the second round, we will do the same, and whatever you spent in the first round is gone. We’ll do this until we have a final winner; at the final four, you submit points against your opponent and then the winner of the finals will be the one who got there with more points left.
If the two of you submit the same number of points, you will be asked to submit *again* to break that tie. You will spend all of your original bid, plus the tiebreaker.

Those who lose in the first round will gain one mile. If you lose in the second round, you get three. Third round, you get six. The runner-up will get ten miles and the winner will get fifteen.

Here are the first round matchups, with the first submission due TONIGHT at 9pm Central:

Melissa David vs. Christopher Dykhoff
LizandMike Tomera vs. Jake TwoSheds Elliott
Zach Schmidt vs. Merry Monstergumby
Annette Barron vs. Pete Bruzek
Eric Schapp vs. Rene’ Pare’
Bernice Nystrom Nicaise vs. Joe n’Paula Rakstad
Ashton Stansel vs. Michelle Pratt
Erik Dikken vs. Colin Wolfson
Nonsubs will surrender all miles. I know that’s harsh, but dudes. It’s just one number I need. Cheers, Racers.

Waltz Results.

That was a good time. Michelle Pratt suggested the stopwatch idea, and it turned out not to be nearly as difficult to run as I thought it would be. Anyway, Joe n’Paula Rakstad helps Rogue Two to surge upward, Accidental Brilliance retakes the lead, and we bid a fond farewell to The Limey Sheilas (Erin Leslie and Michael Deighton), whose Mini Cooper just plain ran out of gas.
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CANADA (FIRST STOP): MORTALS CHALLENGE: THE POUTINE SLAM

One team still didn’t decide which member was going to do which challenge, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue waiting for something so small, so we’re going to go ahead and get the POUTINE SLAM going.

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Hey, gang. Now that my vacation is over and I’m somewhat settled again, I can finally get back to business. “Silly online games” being “business,” of course.

Sheeple: It’ll start Monday the 9th. If you’ve already signed up over at Cutthroat Junction, great. If not, do so now.

nibbish and yickit’s title match: I’ll send you something sometime today.

Werewolf: Novak has announced that he’ll run a game, also starting the 9th. This shouldn’t give dual players of Sheeple and Werewolf too much trouble, since Sheeple doesn’t require a ton of emailing. Plus, people are eliminated quickly in Werewolf.

Play with the Prose: Unlimited: This is happening. I think waiting until at least the Sheeple/Werewolf pair is done is probably the way to go.

The Gauntlet and Spookymilk Survivor XVII: These will be the next two “main events,” probably in that order. I’ll run The Gauntlet for sure, and most likely both. Geoff also pitched this weird idea to me a while back that might be worth trying (and is somewhat related to an idea I once had, but it’s so much…grosser, which is kind of intriguing). And then there’s Gods and Mortals, which a few folks have said they want to play again. If you have any feelings on all of this, speak.

Anything else? Any new ideas? Exciting times, CdLers.

It’s over!!!! The final challenge could have been balanced better, but people played with the fear of the unknown, so it’s fine.

After the second move we had a very clear third-place team.

Derbis Executioners

Artisan Gravy: Erik Dikken
Legless Dogs: Eric “yickit” Schapp

This was a fun team to watch, between Erik’s logic and Eric’s paranoia. Just great stuff, guys. You weren’t near the top for a while, but you were so much fun that I appreciated the fact that you stuck around.
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Here are your final Grave Robbers results. If you’re good, I’ll share the moves with you after the game’s over so you can see just what the hell happened here.

Your elimination:

Booty Flood

Mustard Flood (Erik Sund…something)
Who Got Da Booty (Colin Wolfson)

Colin came out firing in his first-ever game here. He fired so hard, in fact, that the rest of the field became wary of him. Meanwhile, Erik felt overwhelmed by having a partner who was so aggressive and strong in challenges, though he ended up more than holding his own on his end of things until it was decided that this team was being muscled out. Well, they made it to the second to last challenge, and that ain’t bad.

In Have Fun Storming the Castle (it’s a movie line that I sincerely hope you recognize), you’re on a board with all five other players, trying to storm their castles or kill them by bringing them down to zero hit points before they do the same to you. We’re in deep nerdery now, folks.

This is the board you’ll be playing on, with your starting points marked.

Each of you has fifty hit points and will attempt to walk over to other castles to “conquer” the player in question and knock them from the game. You can also manage this by simply killing the player, which will render his castle moot. Castles cannot be recaptured, and once someone is conquered, his castle is gone (though his mines remain).

On each turn, you can move three spaces (or fewer, if you desire) and you can take one action. On the first turn, you must move off of your castle and cannot step back on it at any time.

Of course, it wouldn’t be half as interesting if you were all just wandering around out there with no defenses nor attacks. So, you can spend some or most of your hit points thusly:

Mines. Three HP per mine. They do 5 damage to everyone but you. You must leave a safe passage to your own castle, in any particular direction.

Mines stack damage. If two people set a mine on a single spot, it’s worth ten damage (you can stack your own mines as well). You can step on your own mines and be fine, but if someone else set a mine on the same space, you take their damage. You can place mines in the green spaces surrounding your own castle, but not on anyone else’s green space.

If a mine is triggered, everyone will know the damage done (though I won’t tell you how many HP each person has). However, the mine will remain active forever.

Arrows. Three HP per arrow. They do 3 damage and they always hit the targeted player.

Extra Movement. You can spend six HP to move four spaces per turn, or twelve HP to move five spaces per turn. This change would last for the entire game and is not a one-time application.

HP Shift. If you and your partner desire, you can move as little as 1 or as many as 49 HP from one to the other, leaving your totals at 99-1 (with the 99 obviously able to buy other stuff if he wants).

In each turn, you make a move (or not) and you can use a single arrow (or not).

That’s it, mostly. Points are distributed this way among all six of you: 30-20-10-7-4-1.

However, there are also going to be Headhunter Bonuses. If you eliminate someone either by killing them or storming their castle, you get 12 points. This can occur with arrows or mines. If you and anyone else kill someone at the same time, you split the headhunter bonus. You can receive a headhunter bonus for killing your own teammate.

Order of stuff is as follows: first move, second move, third move, arrows (if any). So if someone dies on a mine on the same turn you’re shooting an arrow at them, you’re not in on that kill (unless it was your mine, of course). If you die on the first step, and someone else dies on the same turn but the second step or later, they get more G&M points.

Like Diplomacy and other games, if you and anyone else attempt to step on the same space at the same time, neither of you will advance further.

As a matter of necessity, you will know everything that everyone does.

Your setup is due to me by Saturday night at 9pm Central. That’s a day off for me so I wish I’d been able to start before that, but I have to give you time to set up. If you all set up by tonight, I’ll be free to tabulate moves tomorrow. I guess this will have to be one move a night, which may take some time, unless we can really move on Sunday or Tuesday (my other days off). On days I work, I can’t get to the spreadsheet to tabulate.

The other option is getting people together live, which might be difficult (and slow) with six, but if we reach, say, three people, it might be doable.

I’m certain there will be questions and situations I haven’t considered. Let me know about them here. One thing I may need to do is amend movement rules later in the game if everyone hangs back and waits for others to step on mines.

Do you want some Free Trade results? Well, I’m sure you saw them last night before my computer shat itself, but there they are.

The elimination:
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Your results for Thor’s Hammer are right here. It ended up being easier to tabulate than I thought (the nonsub helped). Elimination after the jump.
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Your competition, and also you

HALL OF CHAMPIONS

SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR

I: Rachel "The Double-Dealer" Flynn

II: Ryan "The Snake" Fossum

III: Patrick "The Gentleman" Kozicky

IV: Brienne "The Submitter" Maner

V: Rusty "The Porn Star" Greene

VI: Brooks "The Unlikely Hero" Maki

VII: William "The Soulful" Schuth

VIII: Brooks "The Survivor" Maki

IX: Zack "The Ice Cream Man" Sauvageau

X: Pete "The Vacuum Cleaner" Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks "The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens" Maki

XI: Matt "The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er" Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy "The Quiet Man" Rustleund

XIII: Sarah "Clarence's Hope" Bizek

XIV: Dan "The Professional" Kautz

XV: Christina "Assault And" Pepper

XVI: Matt "The First-Time Player" Novak

XVII: Stacy "Saintly Patience" Snell

XVIII: Brian "Checkmate" David

XIX: Annette "Eammon for the Top" Barron

XX: Daniel "Neville "Smash "Hardware" Hardwood" Longbottom" Caouette

GODS AND MORTALS
I: Dragging Rivet's Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)

BIG BROTHER
I: Brooks "Oh, for the Love of God" Maki
II: Michael "#DDB" Rivet
III: Pete "Fortune's Fool" Bruzek
IV: Erin "All Seven and We'll Watch Them Fall" Leslie

FALL, CAESAR
2014: Brooks "The Creator" Maki
2015: Matt "The Artist" Novak
2016: Matt "Waited Them Out" Novak

CUTTHROAT JUNCTION CHAMPION
Kelly "Yes, He's a Player Too" Wells

Link to the Cutthroat Junction site. Over there, we do once-a-month strategic mega-games while the champion defends his title in a one-on-one. Head over to see how it works.

THE ROYAL RUMBLE
2013: #21 Greg "The Gallant Glutton of Greatness" Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon "Big Papa" Pope
2015: #8 Christina "Am I in This?" Pepper
2016: #22 Annette "No Backs Stabbed" Barron
2017: #30 Bernice "The Vulture" Nicaise

PLAY WITH THE PROSE
(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah "Centipede Face" Johnson
II: Sarah "The Johnson Eliminator" Wreisner
III: Colin "Lonely Old Moon" Woolston
IV: Melissa "Not Sidebar Material" Diamond
V: Sama "No Family Reunions" Smith
VI: Sarah "Tumor Face" Wreisner
VII: John "Cult Following" Wreisner
VIII: Joshua "Peed the Bed" Longman

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

PUZZLE CHALLENGE
I (Pure): Matthew "The Obsessor" Gilman
I (Power): Kelly "The Novak-Destroyer" Wells

DIPLOMACY
I: Matt "Exploiter of Worlds" Novak (France)

SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR XX

THE WINNER

Daniel Caouette

THE RUNNER-UP

Bernice Nystrom Nicaise

THE JURY

11th: Melissa David
10th: Ashton Stansel
9th: Sharon Pierpont
8th: Mark Feagins
7th: Michelle Pratt
6th: Tanya Laumann
5th: Jake Elliott
4th: Carrie Bard
3rd: Pete Bruzek

THE EXPELLED

28th: Amber Keyster
27th: Jared Mitchell
26th: David Tucker
25th: Sama Smith
24th: Jesse Vance
23rd: Michael Deighton
22nd: Rene Pare
21st: Colin Woolston
20th: Colin Wolfson
19th: Joseph Rakstad
18th: Shelbi Sarver
17th: Susan Walker
16th: Bret Highum
15th: Jamie Frost
14th: Eric Schapp
13th: Annette Barron
12th: Stacy Snell