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The DK/Kelly podcast above is a damned long one that was done a long time ago, but it’s fun and contains a lot of insight/Novak jokes. Plus, I ramble drunkenly near the end, so you can laugh and point as I shake my head.

That one’s the Shawn one. It isn’t as long, but the audio’s a little scratchy and the timing was off and we talk over one another. It’s worth it, though, because we make a decent amount of dirty jokes and we talk about crazy people we knew in college. Not “funny” crazy. Like, legitimately crazy people.

Okay, Survivors. You weathered a stream of bizarre nonsubs followed by a strong and unpredictable merge group. Time to see who put it together a little better. On this vote, you want to see your name.

Sarah Wreisner: Shawn! *Go Shawn!* I must vote Shawn… although, holy hell, Bizek made a great case. But I gotta stay true to my dawg! 🙂 CAPS LOCK SCREAMING ALL THE TIME USA! I love you guys, and thanks to everyone involved for another fun game.

Erik S: this was an extremely hard decision for me. as i’ve mentioned, i tend to put more weight on the writing than others, and shawn consistently killed it, including a long line of immunities towards the end after an already great season. and not to take anything away from sarah either, who also put out some awesome material, but i believe shawn has the edge there. also, shawn was a brimley, and brimleys gonna brimley. however, sarah played the more strategic game while also maintaining a great stream of writing, and that’s definitely worth a lot.

you add all this up, in a split decision (115-113, 113-115, and 115-113), by the narrowest of margins this judge gives his vote to super cool beezy.

Matt Novak: I love Shawn. We got each other to the end in IIX, she has written some of my favorite stories ever on the site, and her playfulness is awesome. I was impressed that her game took a step forward this time. I thought some of the strategy was bad strategy, but it was certainly present and active, and I appreciate that. Despite those points in Shawn’s favor, and the fact that I absolutely want to see her win this game someday, my vote is for Bizek. Survivor is a game where you’re almost always gonna get knocked down, and figuring out how to get back up is the one thing that impresses me more than meticulous planning. Bizek had a plan, it got derailed, but she regrouped. And for that reason, above all others, Sarah Bizek gets my vote for Sole Survivor.

Peter Bruzek: This was a great game. Pretty much everyone in the final few challenges had a claim at winning, and that has, to my knowledge, never been the case. Both finalists played a solid game and certainly deserve to be exactly where they are.

If Shawn had played her normal game, the back half of the game would’ve looked totally different. There’s a certain awesomeness to killing that which you would see dead and writing too damned well for anyone to do anything about it. Shawn took out a threat, then teamed up with his former ally and took out the next threat. It wasn’t always clean, but it worked. she came from a minority, scrapped her way to the top of the heap, then did the challenges well enough to where no one was able to catch her. Sarah, you also played a hell of a game, and it was fun as hell to watch the whole thing unfold, particularly the expert way that you adapted to everything thrown at you over the course of the game. This one was close – the closest vote I’ve been involved in so far.

In the end, I vote Shawn.

Bret Highum: Shawn did a lot of things very well- she wrote brilliantly, picked a great set of players to ally with, and stayed loyal to them the whole way. But Sarah also did all those things, plus won the tie-breaker that ultimately determined the final four. By the narrowest of margins, I vote for Sarah to win.

Margaret Martin: I want to tell you that my vote on Survivor is for Sarah Bizek. She was a good writer, dug her heels in and made things happen a couple of times during play, and answered the questions at the end thoughtfully.

[That’s a 4-2 vote, Survivors. Let’s go to the very wordy Jonathon Pope after the jump]
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Gotta post and run, but jurors, have your votes to me by tomorrow night at 9pm Central.

Bizek’s formatted weirdly, but looks fine in my email. Argh.
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Well hello there, Sarah and Shawn. For each of you, seventeen years of knowing me has led to this moment. But it’s not just about us – it’s also about a bizarrely tedious and remarkably vindictive jury. However, the good news is that their questions are formed in a way that lacks the crazypants that they brought to the jury room.

I kid the jury. They haven’t been that bad. Well, not all of them.

Under the jump, you’ll see the five questions posed to you (a couple of them are different, so make sure you do your own list). You’ll have to answer them and have them in my inbox by tomorrow night at 9pm Central. I think I get off work an hour after that, but I’ll post when I can. Also, you may write a “final plea” of up to 300 words that explains anything that wasn’t asked that might be relevant.
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Shawn’s got her vote in, Survivors. The final elimination victim will now head to the jury room and I hope to post jury questions before tomorrow night and have them answered a day or two later.

Final vote under the jump.
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Here’s your final set of results, Survivors. I didn’t know if this prompt would be high concept enough to be inspirational, but one way or another, our ladies made it work. Good stuff this week. It was definitely worthy of being a final.

Immune Person: get a vote to me as soon as you can.
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What do you think, Survivors? Ready for the finale? Let’s get one of you out of here…

Vote One: Sarah Wreisner. “No easy vote here, I’m afraid.”

Vote Two: Margaret Martin. “Ugh”
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Well hello, ladies. I rarely provide a prompt that begs for such darkness (I figure we get that without asking for it often enough), so who surprised me this time? In the case that nobody surprised me, what then? In the case that I have no idea how to finish the intro, blah blah writing blah great season blah?
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So, Survivors, it seemed like the writing was on the wall heading into this vote. I’m sad to say I didn’t see a single email from this voting period (seriously, you guys, don’t forget to bcc me on the interesting stuff).

Away we go…

Vote One: Bret Highum.

Vote Two: Sarah Bizek. “It’s never a good sign when you can’t get women to talk. I’m toast.

So, I vote for Sarah Bizek, for the final time.”
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How are you doing, final five? Are you anxious for Survivor XIV?! Wait, we need to finish this first? Well, okay.

The most exciting writing season meets one of the most exciting prompts below. In each story, either the machine idea or story was great, and a couple pulled off both. Just one immuniteer will be crowned this week, so get nervous, bit…you know, I always say “bitches” there as a catch-all, but since this game is 80% female right now, it’s a little more specific-sounding than I’d like. Anyway, enjoy the third to last challenge.
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Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz

XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David

XXIV: Stacy “Fucking” Snell

I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott

2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron

2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard
2019: #16 Jake “The Jabroni” Elliott

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)

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