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Alright, guys.  Have we crossed another threshold of paranoia?  I’m betting we have.

Let’s just get to this, ‘cause you’re all nervous.

Vote One: Mariska Crookshanks.

“Like a movie by Thomas Q. Hanks
Castaway time for Crookshanks
How this vote will go
I do not really know
If it’s her, I’ll wave and say “thanks!”

Vote Two: To Risk-a life with a Crook that Shanks, Not my idea for the final group of survivors… I VOTE FOR


Vote Three: The Power of Bread.  “A half-baked loafer who doesn’t rise to the occasion.”

Vote Four: The Power of Bread.  “With appropriately low expectations, of course.”

Vote Five: Mariska Crookshanks.  “Tonight I vote for Mariska. May she shank crooks forevermore.”

Vote Six: The Power of Bread.  “Since you knead to know, I’m going to vote for The Power of Bread, before he gets on a roll.  I feel a little crumby about this, but I hope he doesn’t think I’m a heel.”

Tied with two votes left.
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Okay, Donkeys. Did you like that last challenge? I did, long though it was. If you didn’t like it, blame the Survivor who suggested it! No, I won’t tell you who that was yet.

Anyway, how about an elimination? Remember when Commish fell? Doesn’t that seem like ages ago? Well, here we go, bitches.

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Alright. Are tensions mounting? Let’s assess that by asking if there are any Immunity Idols being played.

…Hey, bitches, are there any Immunity Idols being played?

*Eliza Orlins bites her lip and looks around, and nobody gets up*

Alright, let’s get to it.

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I want a quick, sidebar reference for anyone who needs to know how things work. That shall be this post.  If anything needs to be added, it’ll be added here.  If anyone has questions, this is the place.

First of all: Immunity Idols.  Well, they have their own post, also on the sidebar.  Let me give you a freebie and mention that there aren’t any contained within this post.  There might still be secrets within this post, but no idols.

Next: Non-Submission Rules.  I have a long and storied history of hating people who fail submit entries.  And yes, “hate” is the word, damn you.  In recent seasons I’ve made it so non-submitters are the only people who can be eliminated in that week and this season is no different, but there are a lot of weeks where that won’t really apply in a game like this.  Several challenges involve two people becoming ineligible for Immunity on day one, two more on day two, and so on.  For challenges like that, I don’t know yet how I’ll run things, since anyone can miss a day when that’s all they’ve got, and if they miss the first day and become ineligible for Immunity, that might be a little harsh.  I may say something like “Okay, no non-submitters this week, but if you don’t show up for at least two of these days, you can’t win Immunity.”

In challenges where there’s just one deadline, non-submitters will be the same as always.  If you don’t show up, you’re a non-sub, and only you and other non-subs are available to be eliminated that week.

Okay, as for anonymity.  It’s a good thing.  If someone figures out who you are, it’s up to them to be cool about it.  If they have this information, it could get you eliminated.  I’m not going to explain any more about how that works until the time comes, but stay frosty, bitches.

I will be announcing the true identity of everyone who was eliminated until the point where the jury begins.  I won’t be saying when the jury point is until it comes.  If you’re eliminated and in the jury, stay anonymous.  In my final “And the winner is…” post, everyone will be revealed.

The Jury.  There’s a jury.  Once we’re down to two people, the jury will select the winner.  I will not be part of the jury this time, as we aren’t all on the same playing field (since I know who everyone is).

Teams.  There’s a twist here.  There aren’t any.

Until the game starts, I’ll let you ponder what that might mean.

Five days, Survivors.  I’m having a hard time being patient for this one.

Looking for Werewolf? It’s below.

I wasn’t going to remind anyone about Pogs anymore, but a few players have begged me to do so. If you haven’t done anything in the Pog game, I’m going to come out and warn you you’re going to have a tough time gaining your footing in the real game, because nearly everyone has gotten involved. Furthermore, a couple of people who haven’t started are holding some Pogs that several people want. Getting in good with some people might be good, long-term. The game ends Friday at 3pm Central.

Also, I have a poll here that correlates to a challenge we’ll either do first or soon after. Send your answers from your Survivor email to my address.

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Alright, Survivor Eleveners. This is important. In fact, it’s probably important enough that it shouldn’t even be labeled as “pre-game,” even though the regular challenges and eliminations won’t start until mid-August.

One plucky player emailed me saying, paraphrased, “I want to do a challenge with Pogs. I’m not sure how to run it or anything, but dude, Pogs!” Well, with such an amazingly specific idea in mind, how could I say no?

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It’ll be a while before I post the email list, but a couple of players asked for a list of aliases that are being used this season. You’ll find that here. Right now we have a nice, round, perfect number of 23 players. We’ve got a few noobs, a ton of second-timers and, of course, the people that will stop playing when they’re dead.

Also, I have a pre-game, pre-challenge thingy that you can participate in. There is no benefit to doing it, as far as I can see (it depends on…things I can’t talk about yet) and there’s certainly no penalty for not doing it. It’s all after the jump.

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The game will start in mid-August, unless I get really, really antsy. I want for there to be a break between games – partially for those playing both, partially so the Puzzle Challenge can wrap up with everyone’s undivided attention, and partially in the hopes that we can get a good game of Werewolf in there somewhere.

I created the game emails today and will send out the info for you to get into them today or a few days from now.

I also created a username for this site that every player can use to make comments on posts anonymously (or at least under their pseudonyms). You can sign the posts, but please, don’t sign them with anyone else’s name. If people start complaining to me that other players are pretending to be them, I’ll have to pull the user.

So, if you want to comment anonymously:

username: survivorsomeone
password: donkeylips

Please only use it if you’re playing Survivor XI.

I was going to put up the email list today, but I guess there’s no reason to promote strategizing a month early.

I also have some questions:

1. I normally run a “Create a Challenge” challenge. If I do that this time, since all the other challenges are objective, should it be for an Immunity Idol, for something else, or merely for the hell of it? If I do it, I’d consider just opening up the submission period now.
2. Are the one-day voting periods of Turbo Survivor enough, or would you really, really prefer two? I like the one, but I’ll listen to the crowd.
3. I have a questionnaire for all players to fill out a la Survivor IX, but it’s much different this time. Would you like it thrown your way now, or for me to wait until the game starts?
4. Any problem with starting in mid-August? There had better not be.
5. I have some challenges that are named (Capture the Flag, for instance) but I have no idea how to play them. Would anyone be interested in helping me create some of those? Or should I make that an Immunity Idol-type thing?

I think there was more, but I can’t remember it. You can respond as yourself, or as survivorsomeone. Cheers, bitches!

Alright, Survivors, I made one more spreadsheet for you, outlining who’s won how many Immunities. I swear I’m done for a while, because this one was a big project.

Here you go.

Also, I filled Survivor XI. If you want in, you’ll have to beg, but I’m done recruiting. I came up with a bunch more games today. We’re gonna have fun, dudes and dudettes.

Normally I wait a while to start making calls for players (okay, this may not actually be true) but with everyone engaged in this game, I want to give them a chance to know what’s going on with the next one.

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Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz

XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David

XXIV: Stacy “Fucking” Snell

I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott

2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron

2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard
2019: #16 Jake “The Jabroni” Elliott

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)

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