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And here we are at last. Before we get to the votes, let’s take a moment to reflect on all those lost students who came to detention looking for guidance and were sent packing.


Chicken Little/Shannon Marie (28th Place)

The Original Heather/Brooks Maki (27th Place)

Studly Jock Muffin/Zack Sauvageau (26th Place)

Otto Eps/Husain Khuzema (25th Place)

Clarissa Hinch/Colin Woolston (24th Place)

Princess Penelope Pewwater/KJ Niehaus (23rd Place)

Legs Malloy/Mike Hebranko (22nd Place)

Mushroom Clyde/Michael Deighton (21st Place)

Brock Romanesco/Eric Schapp (20th Place)

Crazy Joe South/Susan Walker (19th Place)

Sweet Susie Dalton/Kari Berhow (18th Place)

Gary “Goose” Murdock/Jesse Vance (17th Place)

Diamond Dave Duper/Catherine Beer (16th Place)

Taurine Powerberry/Matthew Gilman (15th Place)

Slick Vicki/Michelle Pratt (14th Place)

And then we have our diligent jury. Well, some were diligent and some were surly. But ultimately, they all did their duty.

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Congrats Cherry, Dom & Heatherr! Time to face the jury. Let’s just get to it, eh?

Her Highness Hildegaard

Well guys, congrats to all 3 of you!

Since I feel I have a halfway decent idea of how your game actually went, I’d love to hear one thing you’d have done differently if you could have and how that thing would’ve have increased your chances of being “Sole Survivor”.

Same question for all 3 of you.  Good Luck!!

Oliver Caulfield

Explain your thought process as it relates to certain jury members. To some degree you all seemed content to ignore some jurors. Was this a necessary evil, or a concerted effort to not sleep with the enemy?

Dudgie O’Fritters

Congratulations for making it to the final 3, ladies.  I’m currently in jail awaiting my trial. They told me that I could post bail as long as I didn’t leave the state, but it was this or listen to my mom all day. Legs promised he’d feed my hamsters while I’m gone, which is clearly a good choice. I’ve had access to a radio to keep up to date with the school events, so I know what you three are all about right now.

The police are collecting evidence for my trial and they believe I didn’t commit all these crimes on my own. I’m not going to rat out anyone who may or may not have actually helped me, but turning in a few names will help reduce my sentence.

I know that in the girls second floor bathroom there’s a few empty cans of spray paint, a bag of black tar heroin, and a knife used for more than opening letters. Here’s my question to all 3 of you: When the police ask you about these 3 items, how will you talk your way out of it, making it seem as though the other two committed these crimes? You will need to refer back to techniques you used in your game (i.e. I would say I would talk to both cops, then call their police chief and talk to him, then ask the cops 1 on 1 what they think of their partners to breed mistrust. Uber would use his signed letter from the president, dismissing any and all past crimes committed). The person with the best answer will get my vote to win, and the other two will probably wind up in a holding cell next to me for another few weeks.

Hoyt Lozenge

Cherry:  How can you explain your abject lack of participation during the tribe section of this game? Given you vanished for days on end, why should I still say you’re the most deserving to win?

Dom: What was your strategy overall in this game and how did it change as the game progressed?

Heatherr: Who would you say your closest allies and biggest enemies were in this game? What is the part of your game you are least proud of?

Everyone: You and your most loyal ally have two drinks in front of you: One is poisoned and will kill you instantly. they look, smell, and taste the same in every way. At least one cup must be drunk. How do you proceed? You’re trapped in a basement that’s filling up with water and your leg is caught. It’s filling fast and your only hope of escape is the window above you. There’s a zombie coming at you, ready to make a sandwich out of your face. You have only 2 things within reach to use. You must use one to fight the zombie, but using it will render it useless in your escape from the basement. The other must be used in some way after killing the zombie. The two items are a flotation device and a baby harp seal. What do you do, and why? What is one word you would use to describe your relationship with each of the other finalists and why?

Uber Lyft

1. Cherry – Nothing for you.

2. Dom – You were my girl to the end. When I play, even if it may hurt me I won’t vote partner out just to “look good” to the other people.

3. Heather – Clearly you did something right.

No questions. Good luck

Polly Flappyhands

My question is for all three finalists: What do you feel is your greatest achievement in this game? What did you do that makes your game stand out from the other two finalists?

Bumblebee Zephyr Jones

My question for Dominique and Cherry is: Tell me something I don’t know about you and your game. Should be easy.

My question for Heatherr is: Tell me something I don’t know about you and your game. Should be difficult.

Xander Xanax

Cherry: Some one would say your game lacked the social aspect. Can you describe how you used the social game to your advantage?

Heather: You were supposed to be my prom date. You stuck with me when everyone else turned on me. Yet it didn’t seem to come down on you at all. Describe your thought process when you saw the outcome of that vote and how you enacted the measures needed to survive.

Dom: Convince me you weren’t Uber’s side piece the entire game.

Trashcan Jan

To all three: Convince me why you should get my vote over the other two finalists.

Tayquan Robison

Pick a number between 1 and 15.

Well, there you have it. Finalists, I will send you a document to fill in your answers to the questions and your final pleas. Please have them back to me by Thursday night.

We’ll get this baby to bed with a winner by the weekend. Wooooo!

Actually, thy drugs be long and drawn out. That was an epic battle to the end. HER HIGHNESS HILDEGAARD succumbed to a poison brew and couldn’t find the last remaining antidote. Thus, she becomes the final member of the jury.

That means CHERRY BLOSSOM, DOMINIQUE RIVERS and HEATHER WITH TWO Rs are our three finalists. Jury, get me some questions for these students by Monday night, please.

Thanks everyone for playing your hearts out and entertaining the crap out of us.

In an unprecedented twist, Zookeeper ended in a tie for first place. Therefore, CHERRY BLOSSOM and DOMINIQUE RIVERS are finalists. Vying for the third spot, HEATHERR WITH 2 RS and HER HIGHNESS HILDEGAARD must now battle it out in the fire making challenge! Okay, no, don’t burn down the school. We’re going to go to a favorite from Kelly’s Romeo & Juliet season and play


There are THIRTY BEERS sitting at the table, numbered from 1-30. On each turn, you must drink one.

Twenty-one of them are NORMAL beers.

Beers #7, #17 and #27 are POISON.

Beers #3, #4, #13, #14, #23 and #24 are ANTIDOTES.

Poison and Antidotes will appear as normal beers. You’re going to try to keep track of where the special drinks might be.

You will take turns taking drinks. The first to take one will be HEATHERR and HILDE will therefore take the even numbered turns.

When it’s your turn, you will give me the number of a drink to take. If you take poison, you will take another turn, and you MUST take an antidote thereafter or you lose the challenge.

Once you take a drink, all other drinks move forward. So if Heatherr takes drink #2, then #3 becomes #2 and all others fall in line behind it. Hilde will not be told what number Heatherr took, nor will anyone else.

You can intentionally or accidentally take an antidote on your turn; this will end your turn safely and you WILL be told you drank an antidote.

The game ends when someone drinks a poison and is unable to follow it up with an antidote.

Poison DOES NOT get pulled from the game when it is consumed, although it will be posted that poison was consumed. I will never post the number of the drink consumed but will ALWAYS post the type.

Here is the spreadsheet:

Ask any questions you have and let’s get to drinking! Heatherr, take a drink at your leisure from the thirty provided. I will let you know when it’s your turn via carrier pigeon (a/k/a FB messenger) and you can submit your drink numbers to me there.

Nice that you all manage to reach a consensus before the last minute for a change. Let’s get to it – anyone got anything to say?

No? Good.

First vote:

Dominique Rivers

Tay, Ive changed my athletic ways and want to spend the last of my days as a royal!

Tayquan Robinson

Tayquan Robinson

Tayquan Robinson

By a vote of four to one, TAYQUAN ROBINSON becomes the ninth member of the jury. We’re in the home stretch, WOOOOOO!

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Whew, that was an exhausting vote. Anyone have anything to say?

“Hey Dick!”

“That’s Mr. Vernon to you, Dudgie.”

“Whatever. Here!” Dudgie thrusts a crumpled up paper at me. It’s a two-for-one appetizer coupon from Chi Chi’s Restaurant. Unfortunately, it expired about 30 years ago and is NOT an idol.

“Sit down, Dudgie!”

“Mr. Vernon?”

“What now, Heatherr?” Heatherr saunters forward, twisting off a mood ring stuck tightly on her thumb. I note that it is completely black, like Heatherr’s cold, cold heart. It is, however, an idol and any votes for Heatherr will not count.

“Can we get to the vote already?!”

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Another voting day in the books.  Anyone have anything to say? No? Okay, then.

As much as I love cherries, and I do. Like. A lot. I am voting Cherry tonight. But not because of my love of cherries… I am actually quite saddened by the irony of this… *spits out cherry seed and softly weeps

Polly Flappyhands

Cherry Blossom

Polly Flappyhands

Polly Flappyhands

Polly Flappyhands

By a vote of four to two, POLLY FLAPPYHANDS is eliminated and becomes our seventh member of the jury. Getting serious now!


It’s called FLAT TIRE and it was a thing in the 80s. Just trust us; it was.

Each of you is milling about the hallways, trying to get to class. For each turn, you will ATTACK another player by stepping on the back of their shoe. This was affectionately called “a flat tire”. Apparently, one flat tire is no big deal. You laugh it off and slip your foot back in. The second one is a little more offensive and not so easy to overlook. The third one causes you to completely LOSE YOUR SHIT and be booted to the principal’s office, which means you’re out of the competition.

But on each turn, you get to DEFEND against a player too, and if you defend successfully against one person, then NONE of the attacks against you will land. Furthermore, the person who was defended against successfully will be the one to head to the principal’s office and be out of the comp.

You can ATTACK YOURSELF if you want, as long as you understand this attack will not be successful unless you defend against someone successfully. Defenses must be against someone else.

Once one player is left, he or she will be immune from the vote. If two players are left, the one with fewer flat tires will win. If two players with equal flat tires remain, the one who successfully defended against more people will win. If this is still a draw, the two will decide among them which is immune from the vote, and if they can’t, the third-place person will decide. If that too was a tie of people going out at the same time, then finally, I will rely on (That sounds complicated, so don’t tie.)

Wait?! (You ask) Is this just Kelly’s Knots challenge thinly reworked to suit the Breakfast Club? Why NO, and I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Questions? Ask em. First turn is tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. Central.


Okay then. No voting comments were left and a consensus was reached:

By a vote of seven to one, UBER LYFT has been eliminated and becomes the sixth member of the jury. Uber, I’ll link you up to the jury room shortly.

Next challenge:


Congrats Final SEVEN! Have you been making good use of your extra study time in the library? Some of us are doubtful, so let’s test it, shall we?

This is going to be a timed word jumble. Fun, right!? You betcha. There will be 22 words to unscramble.  Each word will have one special letter that will be highlighted. If you choose to, you can use these letters to fill in the phrase at the bottom.

The person completing the jumbles with the fastest time is the winner and will have immunity. Whenever you have time to do your jumble, you will email and say you are ready to go. Time will begin once we hit send. You will receive a link to a google doc with the jumble on it. Fill in the answers in the boxes provided. (None of the words will be plural.) If you finish all the boxes, the highlighted letters complete a phrase at the bottom. You do not have to solve the phrase at the bottom. But if you do, FOUR MINUTES will be deducted from your time stamp on your return email telling us you are finished. You may not submit the phrase if you haven’t finished the boxes. If you’re exceptionally quick, you could potentially end up with a negative time . . . which would be awesome, obviously.

We’ll give you until Sunday night to carve out some time to do this. Let us know if this proves to be troublesome and we’ll convince you otherwise. If y’all manage to get it done sooner, we’ll move along.

You may not talk about the challenge; this is a solo challenge.

Good luck.

I suppose I have to ask . . .  anyone wanna say anything?

“Uh, Mr. Vernon.”

“Oh, for the love of . . .”

Heatherr hands me a Magic 8 ball, permanently set to “It Seems Unlikely.” This IS a special idol which can only be played at 8, 16, or 24 remaining players.  This qualifies and any votes for Heatherr do not count.

Uber Lyft

Polly Flappyhands – fly away . . . to the jury.

Uber Lyft

Voting Polly – no I don’t want your rotten cracker. Stop asking!

Uber Lyft

Polly Flappyhands

Uber Lyft

Polly Flappyhands

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Another fun voting day! Here we go:

Uber raises his hand.

“Jesus, Uber! Not again!”

Uber stands and hands me an odd looking contraption.

“Hmmpf. This is the Suzanne Sommers Thigh Master and is, of course, an immunity idol.”

Any votes for Uber will not count.

Uber Lyft. I once made a joke about needing a ride to get a pack of smokes, but you didn’t get it. That was the moment I knew I’d have to vote you out one day. (Does not count)

Uber Lyft. (Does not count).

Uber Lyft. (Does not count).

Uber Lyft: Second time’s a charm? (Does not count).

Uber Lyft; gas prices are going up i cant afford you, i’ll just walk where i need to go thank you. (Does not count).

Oliver Caulfield.

Her Highness Hildegaard. Read the rest of this entry »

Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz

XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David

XXIV: All-Female All-Star Game, Coming Soon

I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott

2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron

2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)


Sixteen women to be named soon.

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