I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn – Rachel played different sides of many alliances.
II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum – Ryan did the same thing as Rachel, but was much more heartless; even Rachel herself was caught up in his web of deceit.
III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky – He was on a team with “Gentlemen” in the title, and the double meaning is that he wrote very, very dirty entries and was anything but a gentleman.
IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner – The entire season was rife with non-submitters; Brienne knew what she was doing, but primarily won because every week, someone failed to show up.
V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene – Rusty’s final challenge is the single filthiest thing I’ve ever read.
VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki – Double meaning; Brooks wasn’t the Brooks of today and didn’t seem like a threat. Also, his final challenge was about someone named “Unlikely Hero.”
VII: William “The Soldier” Schuth – Double meaning; Will is a real-life army guy, and he also plowed through like a soldier, utilizing loyalty to his advantage and vanquishing deserters.
VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki – Brooks was unlikely to get to the end given the landscape of the game. Also, he won his second game here, so I gave him the ultimate nickname.
IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau – Zack is a fan of Gucci Mane, who has an ice cream cone tattoo on his face. Also, Zack made a cooooooold decision to win.
X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek – Because “Suck it, nibbish.”
Turbo (short writing): Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki – The Canadiens won the NHL championship about 87 times in that 24-season span.
XI (anonymous strategy): Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak – Will’s last comment on the notes page was “That Novak is one cold-hearted motherfucker.”
XII (All-Star variety): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund – Andy quietly made correct decisions all the way through. Also, in the last challenge, the Mexican Standoff, he shot someone without explanation, so I named him after the John Wayne movie.
XIII (writing): In progress
I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki – Brooks wins constantly.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE
2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson – In college, I ran a wrestling federation with dice that starred all of my actor friends. Greg came up with this for his character’s catchphrase.
PLAY WITH THE PROSE
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson – Sarah insisted.
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner – Sarah beat a bunch of men. Also, she got married during the season and lost the name Johnson.
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston – A phrase contained within Colin’s final submission.
I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman – Gilman apparently was almost always the first one done with his challenges. He didn’t enter Power Puzzler, but did all those puzzles too anyway.
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells – To win, I saved up a bunch of of powers and completely destroyed Novak despite having a ton of targets available, living out the fantasy of everyone at the CdL.
I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France) – Matt somehow convinced the two countries closest to him to attack everyone but him, meaning basically nobody could attack Matt. He promised them a three-way tie but immediately turned on them for the victory when it was time to do so.