Do you like stats? Of course you do!
Here are the teams in Spookymilk Survivor listed from worst to best, according to mean finish. It’s not perfect, and there have been different numbers of teams and players each season, but whatever. If one of my number-lovin’ friends (even moreso than I) Sean or Brendon want to normalize these scores, they may be my guest.
For the record, no matter what normalized scores would say, I’m pretty sure nibbish and his Vogons – from season X – are the best team ever.
The Submitters
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 18.67 of 24 players
Best Finish: AMR (fifteenth)
Nick Punto’s Fury
Season: VII
Average Finish: 17.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Joe Rakstad (fifteenth)
Likes Bacon/Battleship Shapiro
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 16.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Sam Landman (tenth)
Donkey Pantaloons
Season: V
Average Finish: 15.80 of 22 players
Best Finish: John Youker (thirteenth)
Manti Teo’s Dead Girlfriend
Season: XIII
Average Finish: 15.67 of 27 players
Best Finish: Bret Highum (fifth)
I’m With Stupid
Season: X
Average Finish: 15.25 of 24 players
Best Finish: Andy Rustleund (eighth)
SPOILER ALERT!
Season: X
Average Finish: 14.75 of 24 players
Best Finish: Shawn Ashley (sixth)
Brown Street Elite
Season: III
Average Finish: 14.67 of 24 players
Best Finish: Carrie Metz (second)
Enigmatic Southern Gentlemen
Season: III
Average Finish: 13.50 of 24 players
Best Finish: Patrick Kozicky (first)
The James Earl Jones Fan Club
Season: V
Average Finish: 13.40 of 22 players
Best Finish: Rusty Greene (first)
Obi-Ama Canoles
Season: VI
Average Finish: 12.75 of 16 players
Best Finish: Josh Mitchell (ninth)
The Corporate Sponsorshippers
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 12.33 of 24 players
Best Finish: Peter Bruzek (fourth)
The Breviteurs
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 12.17 of 24 players
Best Finish: Ryan Sorrell (third)
Red Hot Pokers
Season: IV
Average Finish: 11.83 of 19 players
Best Finish: Cory Funk (fourth)
Best Westerns
Season: III
Average Finish: 11.00 of 24 players
Best Finish: Kelly Jo Ernst (fourth)
Quilted Northerns
Season: III
Average Finish: 10.83 of 24 players
Best Finish: Tanya Laumann (fifth)
Lake Tahoe Dancing Kenyans
Season: V
Average Finish: 10.33 of 22 players
Best Finish: Ryan Fossum (second)
Pussy Perusers
Season: VI
Average Finish: 10.00 of 16 players
Best Finish: Colin Woolston (sixth)
Dark Stormy Knights
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 9.86 of 21 players
Best Finish: Tom Morgan (fourth)
Ugly Juanita
Season: IX
Average Finish: 9.75 of 16 players
Best finish: Colin Woolston (fourth)
Grandparents of Ernest Borgnine
Season: II
Average Finish: 9.60 of 15 players
Best Finish: Perry Thrun (third)
Pablo’s Blue Period
Season: IV
Average Finish: 9.43 of 19 players
Best Finish: Oliver Thrun (second)
KAWK
Season: I
Average Finish: 9.125 out of 16 players
Best Finish: Rachel Flynn (first)
Wolley Bullies
Season: IV
Average Finish: 8.83 of 19 players
Best Finish: Brienne Maner (first)
The Empirical Joneses
Season: II
Average Finish: 8.60 of 15 players
Best Finish: Kelly Jo Ernst (fourth)
The Winner Group
Season: VII
Average Finish: 8.00 of 21 players
Best Finish: Pete Bruzek (third)
Monkey Afterbirth
Season: I
Average Finish: 7.875 out of 16 players
Best Finish: Catherine Wells (third)
Do I Have to Read What Todd Writes?
Season: V
Average Finish: 7.50 of 22 players
Best Finish: Andy Rustleund (fourth)
nibbish and his Vogons
Season: X
Average Finish: 7.50 of 24 players
Best Finish: Pete Bruzek (first)
Spy Tag
Season: IX
Average finish: 7.25 of 16 players
Best Finish: Zack Sauvageau (first)
Vindictive Voiceless Vagrants
Season: VII
Average Finish: 7.00 of 21 players
Best Finish: William Schuth (first)
The Supreme Fighting Hero Force League, with Lasers
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 6.83 of 24 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)
Spawn of Steinbeck
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 6.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)
Taciturn Tektites
Season: VI
Average Finish: 6.25 of 16 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)
Marvin
Season: II
Average Finish: 5.80 out of 15 players
Best Finish: Ryan Fossum (first)
Nuzzling Nancy’s Pelosi
Season: VI
Average Finish: 5.00 of 16 players
Best Finish: Dean Carlson (second)
Casa de Leche 
19 comments
Comments feed for this article
July 13, 2011 at 7:25 am
daneekasghost
Wow. I thought Spawn of Steinbeck (top 3 finishers and 5 of the top 6) seemed like a shoo-in for best team finish.
Although, I guess NNP all finished in the top 7, which is pretty tough to beat…
This is fun stuff, spooky.
July 13, 2011 at 9:26 pm
mbnovak
I have to guess that normalized SOS would do better, since all 3 above them had fewer players. Right? Or is my math wrong? I just like anything that justifies calling me great.
July 14, 2011 at 6:20 am
spookymilk
It does look like simple cross-multiplication would favor SOS, but I’m not sure if that’s the best possible way to normalize the scores. I need one of my math nerds to see this.
July 14, 2011 at 7:24 am
daneekasghost
The best average a team of 7 can get is 4.00, the best a team of 4 can get is 2.50. Just subtracting the best possible from the team’s average place gives a bit different ranking.
Nuzzling Nancy’s Pelosi (5.00-2.50 = 2.50)
Spawn of Steinbeck (6.71-4.00 = 2.71)
Marvin (5.80-3.00 = 2.80)
Vindictive Voiceless Vagrants (7.00-4.00 = 3.00)
Monkey Afterbirth (7.88-4.50 = 3.38)
Taciturn Tektites (6.25-2.50 = 3.75)
Do I Have to Read What Todd Writes? (tie)
The Winner Group (tie)
KAWK
Wolley Bullies
Pablo’s Blue Period
The Empirical Joneses
Dark Stormy Knights
Grandparents of Ernest Borgnine
Lake Tahoe Dancing Kenyans
Quilted Northerns
Best Westerns (tie)
Pussy Perusers (tie)
Red Hot Pokers
Enigmatic Southern Gentlemen
Obi-Ama Canoles
James Earl Jones Fan Club
Brown Street Elite
Likes Bacon / Battleship Shapiro
Donkey Pantaloons
Nick Punto’s Fury
July 14, 2011 at 7:27 am
spookymilk
Hmm…seems to really favor both Monkey Afterbirth and KAWK, who were the two teams in the first season. I still don’t know how to compare those teams. At the merge, Monkey Afterbirth was up 7-3, and in the final four, they were down 1-3. A better team, certainly, but existing relationships between players, coupled with some shenanigans, changed everything.
July 14, 2011 at 7:28 am
nibbish
So long as we can all agree that there will likely never be a team whose failure was as strange and complete as Nick Punto’s Fury (though Likes Bacon gave it a shot last time, until the Battleship rose from the ashes).
July 14, 2011 at 7:30 am
spookymilk
I don’t know how NPF’s feat will ever be matched. To have such bad luck on top on the non-subs was insane. They nearly dodged so many bullets. I feel bad for Will and Sean and punman, all primarily victims of circumstance.
July 19, 2011 at 11:03 am
freealonzo
hmm, look who was on both the top two teams.
July 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm
seeann
Jack Morris?
July 18, 2011 at 8:06 pm
seeann
Do you have the results split out in an Excel file? That is, every season+contestant pair has their own row with season, team, and their finish included?
July 18, 2011 at 8:08 pm
spookymilk
It’s a Google Doc, and I’ll include you.
August 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Rachel Dwyer
How the hell were you ever able to do this game with your wife as a player? She must be very forgiving.
August 27, 2011 at 7:18 pm
spookymilk
She never had to be forgiving, because the one time she played, she did really, really well. She could have won, actually, but the sloppy ho decided not to do the final challenge.
August 28, 2011 at 8:16 am
Rachel Dwyer
Thank you for illustrating my point so eloquently.
July 8, 2012 at 10:45 pm
daneekasghost
R.I.P. Ernest Borgnine – I’m sure his grandparents are grieving tonight.
July 8, 2012 at 11:48 pm
spookymilk
Wow. I was actually planning on a comment of this nature for when I got home, but here it is.
July 9, 2012 at 9:24 am
AMR
When was this updated with my team’s futility?
Take that’s Nick Punto!
July 9, 2012 at 9:28 am
spookymilk
I updated it as soon as you were eliminated. I’ve been waiting to update it again, but since that time, no other team has been finished off.
July 9, 2012 at 9:32 am
spookymilk
Also, clearly you weren’t as futile as NPF since they never won, but there were three more people in this season so it skews the rankings.