Do you like stats? Of course you do!

Here are the teams in Spookymilk Survivor listed from worst to best, according to mean finish. It’s not perfect, and there have been different numbers of teams and players each season, but whatever. If one of my number-lovin’ friends (even moreso than I) Sean or Brendon want to normalize these scores, they may be my guest.

For the record, no matter what normalized scores would say, I’m pretty sure nibbish and his Vogons – from season X – are the best team ever.

The Submitters
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 18.67 of 24 players
Best Finish: AMR (fifteenth)

Nick Punto’s Fury
Season: VII
Average Finish: 17.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Joe Rakstad (fifteenth)

Likes Bacon/Battleship Shapiro
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 16.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Sam Landman (tenth)

Donkey Pantaloons
Season: V
Average Finish: 15.80 of 22 players
Best Finish: John Youker (thirteenth)

Manti Teo’s Dead Girlfriend
Season: XIII
Average Finish: 15.67 of 27 players
Best Finish: Bret Highum (fifth)

I’m With Stupid
Season: X
Average Finish: 15.25 of 24 players
Best Finish: Andy Rustleund (eighth)

SPOILER ALERT!
Season: X
Average Finish: 14.75 of 24 players
Best Finish: Shawn Ashley (sixth)

Brown Street Elite
Season: III
Average Finish: 14.67 of 24 players
Best Finish: Carrie Metz (second)

Enigmatic Southern Gentlemen
Season: III
Average Finish: 13.50 of 24 players
Best Finish: Patrick Kozicky (first)

The James Earl Jones Fan Club
Season: V
Average Finish: 13.40 of 22 players
Best Finish: Rusty Greene (first)

Obi-Ama Canoles
Season: VI
Average Finish: 12.75 of 16 players
Best Finish: Josh Mitchell (ninth)

The Corporate Sponsorshippers
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 12.33 of 24 players
Best Finish: Peter Bruzek (fourth)

The Breviteurs
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 12.17 of 24 players
Best Finish: Ryan Sorrell (third)

Red Hot Pokers
Season: IV
Average Finish: 11.83 of 19 players
Best Finish: Cory Funk (fourth)

Best Westerns
Season: III
Average Finish: 11.00 of 24 players
Best Finish: Kelly Jo Ernst (fourth)

Quilted Northerns
Season: III
Average Finish: 10.83 of 24 players
Best Finish: Tanya Laumann (fifth)

Lake Tahoe Dancing Kenyans
Season: V
Average Finish: 10.33 of 22 players
Best Finish: Ryan Fossum (second)

Pussy Perusers
Season: VI
Average Finish: 10.00 of 16 players
Best Finish: Colin Woolston (sixth)

Dark Stormy Knights
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 9.86 of 21 players
Best Finish: Tom Morgan (fourth)

Ugly Juanita
Season: IX
Average Finish: 9.75 of 16 players
Best finish: Colin Woolston (fourth)

Grandparents of Ernest Borgnine
Season: II
Average Finish: 9.60 of 15 players
Best Finish: Perry Thrun (third)

Pablo’s Blue Period
Season: IV
Average Finish: 9.43 of 19 players
Best Finish: Oliver Thrun (second)

KAWK
Season: I
Average Finish: 9.125 out of 16 players
Best Finish: Rachel Flynn (first)

Wolley Bullies
Season: IV
Average Finish: 8.83 of 19 players
Best Finish: Brienne Maner (first)

The Empirical Joneses
Season: II
Average Finish: 8.60 of 15 players
Best Finish: Kelly Jo Ernst (fourth)

The Winner Group
Season: VII
Average Finish: 8.00 of 21 players
Best Finish: Pete Bruzek (third)

Monkey Afterbirth
Season: I
Average Finish: 7.875 out of 16 players
Best Finish: Catherine Wells (third)

Do I Have to Read What Todd Writes?
Season: V
Average Finish: 7.50 of 22 players
Best Finish: Andy Rustleund (fourth)

nibbish and his Vogons
Season: X
Average Finish: 7.50 of 24 players
Best Finish: Pete Bruzek (first)

Spy Tag
Season: IX
Average finish: 7.25 of 16 players
Best Finish: Zack Sauvageau (first)

Vindictive Voiceless Vagrants
Season: VII
Average Finish: 7.00 of 21 players
Best Finish: William Schuth (first)

The Supreme Fighting Hero Force League, with Lasers
Season: Turbo
Average Finish: 6.83 of 24 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)

Spawn of Steinbeck
Season: VIII
Average Finish: 6.71 of 21 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)

Taciturn Tektites
Season: VI
Average Finish: 6.25 of 16 players
Best Finish: Brooks Maki (first)

Marvin
Season: II
Average Finish: 5.80 out of 15 players
Best Finish: Ryan Fossum (first)

Nuzzling Nancy’s Pelosi
Season: VI
Average Finish: 5.00 of 16 players
Best Finish: Dean Carlson (second)

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