Surprise! The game is starting. A few quick comments:

Judges are Matt Novak and myself. You’ll hate us both at times; this is inevitable. In Matt’s case, sometimes it’ll even be because of his judging! (I’ll be hacking on Matt a lot this season. It’s in the contract).

Getting your stories judged can be an emotional thing. I get it, believe me. My best advice is to remember that Novak and I are just two dudes in the entire world, and if we just don’t “feel” your story, it might be on us, even though I won’t admit it at first.

When you get a challenge, I won’t announce what it is. I will simply give you a time frame, word limit (if any) and a deadline to have everything done. You will send an email, empty if you like, to the following address to get the challenge:

PLEASE note the “two” there, because some of you will have the email address from Beau’s season autosaved.

DO NOT send your email until you absolutely have enough time at that moment to finish the challenge. If you don’t finish (and send back the story) within the allotted time, you are disqualified and cannot win medals.

Scoring: The medal system. Half of you will get medals, and they will be split as equally as possible. For this one, each of us will give out twelve medals: four gold (five points each), four silver (three points) and four bronze (one point). You are not “graded” for these – you are in direct competition for medals against the other writers.

For this challenge, the top four scorers will be captains that will draft their tribes based on the stories presented. After that, we’ll get to the team portion of the game, which will be explained when the time comes.



Time limit: 30 minutes
Deadline: Monday the 3rd at 7pm Central. Your story must be SENT BACK by this time, not begun.
Word limit: None. I’ll probably regret that, and go back to word limits soon.


Send an email to when you’re ready to do it. Don’t ever send completed stories back to me, because judges read these anonymously.

If you don’t do this challenge, you will receive a penalty during the first challenge once the team portion starts.

Game on, Survivors! If you have questions, please ask them below as soon as possible. Cheers.

Also, a big thank you goes out to Beau, who introduced the idea of Turbo Survivor as well as the medal system, which everyone both loves and hates. Always grateful, man.


We’ll start somewhere around the hour. Sign in if you’re doing this. Seven is necessary, nine is better, and anything more is a gift.

Okay, Prosers. Sit back and enjoy some of the weirdest work I’ve ever been given.

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Uh, yeah.  Stacy was night-killed, because she had to be, right? Apply last night’s Stacy text to today, and we’ll pretend gmail didn’t attempt to sabotage me.

Here we go; I’m around all day. Five salmon (including an angel) and two sturgeon. This will only end today if we play through two days, and if that doesn’t happen we’ll go to Friday, which isn’t great for me, but we’ll figure it out.

The Dread Pirate (day 1, bad advice, salmon)
Colin Prime (night 1, belly up, salmon)
spacegirlmichy (day 2, those glasses, Private Sight)
nibbish (night 2, too interesting, salmon)
nettiebarron (day 3, whoops, Salamangela)
Stacy Snell (night 3, coughed at the wrong time, salmon)

Four is a majority. Night is at the usual time.

“As disasters go, this is getting serious,” General Salmon said, through a mouthful of kelp sausage, from the comfort of his kelp throne. It was a poor turn of phrase, sure, but then General Salmon was a fairly poor General, as evidenced by the war effort so far.

“Fun Fact: Kelp can save Salmonopolis,” said one very interesting Private, with wide eyes and a song in his heart, perhaps untouched by the overwhelming sense of dread felt by the rest of the population. General Salmon dismissed him with a wave of his kelp napkin, uninterested in his theories.

Two hours later, General Salmon was wandering the barracks, and found this salmon dead, and on his carcass was spray-painted the words TOO INTERESTING.

Wolves, how dare you kill such an interesting salmon.

The Dread Pirate (day 1, bad advice, salmon)
Colin Prime (night 1, belly up, salmon)
spacegirlmichy (day 2, those glasses, Private Sight)
nibbish (night 2, too interesting, salmon)
Stacy Snell

5 votes is a majority. nibbish, you don’t technically have to do the meme anymore, since you’re dead, but if you already have one, go nuts.


General Salmon wasn’t listening to the right person. Drowning his sorrows in kelp ale, General Salmon leaned back into his kelp chair and looked out at his eight million men. Possessing the memory of…something other than a fish, the General noticed that one salmon was out of formation.

“Private Coffey!” the General called out. “Where are you?”

Unfortunately, Coffey was floating upside-down at the surface, leagues above them.

“One thing is certain,” General Salmon said to his right-hand man. “The mod sure is phoning it in tonight so he can go to bed.”

The Dread Pirate (day 1, bad advice, salmon)
Colin Prime (night 1, belly up, salmon)
Stacy Snell


shelly, if you’re not around today I need to replace you with someone. In general, new folks, more talk means a more fun game. (Update: shelly emailed last night to suggest she’d be around today)

It has come to my attention that a few of the new people really aren’t sure how to play yet, regardless of role differences, if any. New players, read the post before this to understand how it works; the regulars will jump in and talk today and you’ll hopefully get the hang of it before long.

Important: you win or lose with your side. If you are a salmon, then you win if the salmon win, whether you’re alive or not. You are NOT trying to stay alive at the cost of your side, if you’re a salmon. You are trying to be on the winning side, and anything you can do to accomplish that, including various ways to sacrifice yourself, are worthwhile.

“At ease, men,” General Salmon boomed. General Salmon was the only salmon general in all of Salmonopolis, which has a very inefficient military model. He addressed his eight million Privates further: “We have word that the sturgeon menace has infiltrated our ranks. There are three sturgeon among us, and we have to eradicate them.”

Somewhere deep in formation, Private Langley turned to his right and said “Oh no! What do we do?”

“We take a vote and kill one during the day, and hopefully we get lucky,” a sturgeon said, muffled, through a crappy salmon mask that a better private would have picked up on.

Fun Fact: Salmon were the first inhabitants of the Earth, so it is imperative that we preserve their history. Save the salmon, everyone. Unless you’re sturgeon, in which case you should consider wiping them out.

***IT IS DAY***

And seriously, if you haven’t read the post below this one, and you haven’t played before, PLEASE do so now.

Seven votes is a majority. NIGHT will fall at 9pm Central. I’ll be at work until 6 or so, so someone should gather votes. A regular, probably Brooks if history is any indication, will do this.

The field:

Colin Prime
The Dread Pirate
Stacy Snell

This will be a catch-all post for how werewolf works – both in general, and for this game specifically.

Hopefully the four new folks among you have read a rundown of the rules under the link at the top of the site. If not, it’s a good idea in case I miss anything here.

There are thirteen players – ten salmon (usually villagers), and three sturgeon (usually called wolves). The wolves know the identities of the other wolves. Salmon don’t know the identities of anyone else. Your job throughout the day is to vote for someone to be “lynched” (I’ll change to something more fish-related like “hooked”) during the day. DAY runs from 9am Central (or thereabouts) until 9pm Central, usually. At the end of the day, the person with the most votes against him or her is lynched, and I announce their role. If a majority is reached before then, that person will be lynched at the end of the day. Everyone else can continue to talk, but the lynched person cannot. Day will end at the announced time.

During NIGHT, the sturgeon will choose someone to kill. SO, during each day/night cycle, two people are eliminated: one for sure will be a salmon, and the other could be either.

So how do you find sturgeon? Voting patterns. Late moves. Strange speech. There are many ways. Don’t worry if you can’t figure out most of them; a lot of people play constantly and still have trouble. It’s a hard game.

The game ends when either all the sturgeon are killed (salmon win), or the sturgeon outnumber the salmon, or match their number (sturgeon win).

Voting on my site requires HTML, which is code that you probably haven’t used before. It’s simple. Here is how your votes should look. If you’re on a phone or anything, and it’s a huge pain or you just aren’t getting it, I’ll possibly allow all-caps instead.


For this, game specifically:

10 salmon, 3 sturgeon.

Salmon with special roles:

Private Angel. This salmon has a special ability where every night, he is allowed to protect one person. That person will survive if the sturgeon attempt to night-kill him or her. Private Angel is revered in the salmon military, but since there are no ranks between Private and General, he or she’s never been promoted.

Private Vision. This salmon has a special ability where every night (including the night before the game), he can peek at a player and will be told the player’s role. Private Vision is revered in the salmon military, but since there are no ranks between Private and General, he or she’s never been promoted.

All other Salmon are simply Privates with no special abilities.


Salamangela. This sturgeon is a master of disguise. If Private Vision peeks at him or her, Vision will be told Salamangela is a salmon.

Kelp Warfare Sturgeon. During the day, KWS will email me privately to distract a player with kelp. That player will be told (also privately, by me) that he or she cannot speak, unless it’s to change a vote, until the final hour of the day. KWS is allowed to use this move on either a salmon or a sturgeon, and is not required to do it at all, if he or she doesn’t want to. If KWS makes it to a final three, this will no longer be in play.

Propaganda Sturgeon. During the day, PS will email me privately to give me a name of a person who has to go to and create a meme praising sturgeon within the next 24 hours. It will not effect the game unless the person doesn’t comply, in which case he or she is mod-killed. PS can do this to either salmon or sturgeon. This will be out of play if PS makes it to a final day, because there’s no next day. Ahem.


That’s the game. Roles will be sent out very soon.

Time for the in-between-Survivor Werewolf game, gang! If we have at least nine people, we’ll start on Monday. Survivor XVII will probably start the following Monday or thereabouts. If Werewolf is a bust and we can’t get the players, we’ll probably start Survivor sooner.

The theme is Salmon vs. Sturgeon. Let’s see how many of you there are first.

Colin Prime
The Dread Pirate
Stacy Snell

Well here we are, players, at the end of another fine, unpredictable game. If you haven’t listened to the Salmon Walk podcast announcing identities yet, you really should. If you have, do it again. I’ll be here when you’re done.



Welcome back from the podcast! Any other business for you to tend to? Okay, good. Let’s see who won this damn thing.

I think everyone knows this, but you want to see your name here. Votes are to name a winner.

Hope, who was never very hopeful, and Sass, who was never very sassy – are y’all ready for this?


Hope Martell


The History of Sass


The History of Sass


Hope Martell


The History of Sass

…….five votes without comments?! Oh well. 3-2 Sass so far.


My vote is 100% wholeheartedly for SASS. She took up the torch in my absence and in my opinion worked very hard and is deserving of the title. Thanks for the fun game, Kelly!


Hope Martell. The largest part of my reasoning is that I had absolutely zero contact with History of Sass, and it is difficult to vote for someone I have no insight on. I do regret that I didn’t speak with Sass. I look forward to opportunities in the future in which I can talk with the player behind Sass. That being said, it is definitely not the only reason why I pick Hope. Hope is correct in her statements, she played a very “Go with the flow” game for a while. If anyone asked me at the time of my demise to describe Hope, “Dominant” would not be used. That’s why I like that she’s here. You see, it’s not always the normal take-charge person that wins. It can be the mammal living underground that survives the meteor strike. This by no means says I’m calling Hope’s gameplay spineless. Quite the contrary, if everything she did was thought out as I believe it was, it’s pretty clever. That cleverness wins my vote. Can’t say I’ll be disappointed either way, though. Good luck to both! -Smash Hardwood Out-


In the Jury room I said whoever gives the better explanation of their game timeline (or something like that) would probably get my vote. I think I’m going to stick to that; but on a lot of levels I wished I had asked a few better questions. You both played tremendous games and it was a fun ride, but in the end I’m going to have to go with the person who I have a better understanding of: History of Sass. This isn’t an alliance thing, I mean she/he did try to vote me out and he/she and Reese were not on my dance card. I just have a better understanding of her game and see how she/he switched it on in the last couple of rounds. Hope I look forward to playing with you again. Like I said you both played great games, ones that I can only dream of.


Well played, both of you! This season was a lot of fun, and I’m glad that we have a couple of finalists who clearly fight to get where they are. In the end, though, Hope played the type of game that I can respect just a little more. She was loyal when she was able to be, cutthroat when she had to be, and took (in my opinion) the steps needed to ensure a spot in the end while never settling to be another player’s pawn. Nicely done, Hope.


Hope Martell. Fun Fact: Salmon can be extremely persuasive.

Well, well, well. We have a 5-5 tie with just a single vote to go. No pressure, Toothless Hustle.

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Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel "The Double-Dealer" Flynn

II: Ryan "The Snake" Fossum

III: Patrick "The Gentleman" Kozicky

IV: Brienne "The Submitter" Maner

V: Rusty "The Porn Star" Greene

VI: Brooks "The Unlikely Hero" Maki

VII: William "The Soulful" Schuth

VIII: Brooks "The Survivor" Maki

IX: Zack "The Ice Cream Man" Sauvageau

X: Pete "The Vacuum Cleaner" Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks "The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens" Maki

XI: Matt "The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er" Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy "The Quiet Man" Rustleund

XIII: Sarah "Clarence's Hope" Bizek

XIV: Dan "The Professional" Kautz

XV: Christina "Assault And" Pepper

XVI: Matt "The First-Time Player" Novak

XVII: Stacy "Saintly Patience" Snell

XVIII: Coming Soon

I: Dragging Rivet's Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)

I: Brooks "Oh, for the Love of God" Maki
II: Michael "#DDB" Rivet

Pete "An Apparently Long Title Reign" Bruzek (6/23/14)

Link to the Cutthroat Junction site. Over there, we do once-a-month strategic mega-games while the champion defends his title in a one-on-one. Head over to see how it works.

2013: #21 Greg "The Gallant Glutton of Greatness" Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon "Big Papa" Pope
2015: #8 Christina "Am I in This?" Pepper

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah "Centipede Face" Johnson
II: Sarah "The Johnson Eliminator" Wreisner
III: Colin "Lonely Old Moon" Woolston
IV: Melissa "Not Sidebar Material" Diamond
V: Sama "No Family Reunions" Smith
VI: Sarah "Tumor Face" Wreisner
VII: in progress

WEREWOLF (most recent)
Wolves (daneekasghost, nettiebarron and rockitlikeroxanne)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

I (Pure): Matthew "The Obsessor" Gilman
I (Power): Kelly "The Novak-Destroyer" Wells

I: Matt "Exploiter of Worlds" Novak (France)


Direct link to Diplochat


The History of Sass


Hope Martell


33rd: cardinalsfan123 (U)
32nd: Mr. Rainbow (B)
31st: Buster Lowdown (CI)
30th: Darth Sausage (U)
29th: Bubbles Tipsy (CI)
28th: Chasing Grain (U)
27th: Classified Ken (U)
26th: Federal Shampoo (CI)
25th: Vernon Silvari (B)
24th: Colonel Hamster (CI)
23rd: Yulfie Superfroth (CI)
22nd: Corgan the Horrible (CI)
21st: Chad Broham (U)
20th: Max Brooky (CI)
19th: Greg "Harbor Breath" Stipp
18th: Corporal Clambake
17th: Rrrrr
16th: Fluffy Muffins
15th: Vampire Grip
14th: Robo-Buffy


13th: Chastity Trueheart
12th: Reese Wildebeest
11th: Harold Biscuits
10th: Hey You Over There
9th: Smash Hardwood
8th: Rogue Scallion
7th: Graveyard Nuggets
6th: Beef Stew
5th: Interesting Salmon
4th: Salamangela
3rd: Toothless Hustle


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