Survivor Archives

Here are the results of Spookymilk Survivor seasons I-XVIII (and Turbo, which really should have been XI). After the challenge title you’ll see the name of the person who came up with the idea for the challenge, or at least the person who decided to steal the challenge from somewhere else and put it into this game (full disclosure: I’m guessing on some).

You’ll notice that up until Survivor VI, there will be some stuff missing, like pictures and multimedia. In these cases, the players have pulled them and I have no way of getting you to them. Sorry about that.

SURVIVOR I
June-October, 2006
Variety
Judge: Kelly Wells

Survivor I was something I conceived while playing kickball at (can’t remember the name…starts with B) Park in Minneapolis. Immediately, a lot of my teammates were into it. Looking back, people were not doing well with the whole alliance thing, a full three(!) people quit, including a person who only had a single challenge left in the game, and I certainly hadn’t learned to create my better challenges yet. Still, it was a blast, and the two people I predicted to be there at the end were there at the end, and the most obsessed person won. Good for her.

KAWK: Candace Berge, Rachel Flynn, Samantha Fronek, Tanya Laumann, Josh Mitchell, Danielle Siver, Colleen Somerville, Oliver Thrun

Monkey Afterbirth: Kelly Jo Ernst, Carilyn Fukura, Bobby Gardner, Peter Maloney, Kelly Pantzlaff, Ben Thietje, Matt Urberg, Catherine Wells

Teams Revealed
Challenge: Twins on Time (spookymilk; I apologize for this one)
Results: Twins on Time
Elimination 1
Challenge: Movie List (spookymilk; again, apologies)
Results: Movie List
Elimination 2, Challenge: Create a Challenge (spookymilk)
Results: Create a Challenge
Elimination 3, Challenge: Know Your Enemy (spookymilk)
Results: Know Your Enemy
Elimination 4, Challenge: Fiction 59 (spookymilk)
Results: Fiction 59
Elimination 5, Challenge: TV List (spookymilk…ugh)
Bonus Immunity: Bacon to Peterman
Results: TV List
Elimination 6, Challenge: Endurance Ladder (spookymilk)
Endurance Ladder Questions
Results: Endurance Ladder
Elimination 7, Challenge: Happy Gram (spookymilk)
Elimination 8
Results: Happy Gram
Elimination 9, Challenge: Make Kelly Horny in 100 Words or Less (Peter Maloney)
Results: Make Kelly Horny in 100 Words or Less
Elimination 10, Challenge: No Limit Hold ‘Em
Results: No Limit Hold ‘Em, Elimination 11
Pre-Challenge: Letterboxes
Challenge: Letterboxes (spookymilk)
Results: Letterboxes
Elimination 12
Challenge: Photo Scavenger Hunt (spookymilk)
Results: Photo Scavenger Hunt, Elimination 13
Final Challenge: 1000 Words, Part III (spookymilk)
Final Challenge Results: 1000 Words, Part III
Elimination 14
And the Winner Is…

SURVIVOR II
March-June, 2007
Variety/Conceptual
Judge: Kelly Wells

Survivor II didn’t hold up to the first in some ways; there were tons of non-submission problems that I hadn’t yet figured out how to deal with. The game was a bust until there were seven people left, but then one cocky player emailed me and said “Watch me do this. Here are the finishes of all seven remaining players, and who they’ll vote for.” Bastard was right about all of them. It was a thing of beauty.

The Empirical Joneses: Sarah Bergervoet, Alexandra Erdahl, David Erdahl, Kelly Jo Ernst, Kyle Mitchell

Grandparents of Ernest Borgnine: Angela Bierly, Leif Bierly, Jon Mullaly, Oliver Thrun, Perry Thrun

Marvin: Rachel Flynn, Ryan Fossum, Tara Kinney, Josh Mitchell, John Youker

SURVIVOR III
Writing/Conceptual
June-November, 2007
Judges: Kelly Wells, Ryan Fossum

Survivor III stood as the best until IX happened, though I probably have romanticized it a little because it was the best of the “early years,” before I got a swath of new players that have really upped the game’s stakes.

I ran the season with four teams, and each week, Ryan and I would judge half of the players as one team took on another. That was a good idea. Hmm. I should do that again sometime.

The writing was pretty dirty in those days – to the point that certain players have distanced themselves from the work a little bit, at least while they were on job searches. What a bunch of wusses, am I right?

Anyway, after a series of unlikely post-merge shenanigans, a guy I’d known for less than a year became the third Spookymilk Survivor champion.

Quilted Northerns
Adam Hegge, Todd Karner, Tanya Laumann, Josh Mitchell, Ben Thietje, Brienne (Maner) Zimmer

Brown Street Elite
Robert Arlt, Carrie Metz, Chad Paul, Sugar Shane Gibson, Perry Thrun, Nick Wells

Best Westerns
Kelly Jo Ernst, Rachel Flynn, Jason Harber, Joshua Morris, Blair Ross, John Youker

Enigmatic Southern Gentlemen
Michael Battista, Cory Funk, Ryan Grewe, Patrick Kozicky, Mawk, Oliver Thrun

The whole season is here.

SURVIVOR IV
Writing/Conceptual
March-June, 2008
Judges: Kelly Wells, Ryan Fossum

Survivor IV sucked so hard I want to scream. Everyone showed up for the first challenge, but that was one of three or four weeks in the entire game where it happened. Then, in the end, a player was disqualified because the other judge convinced me that plagiarism was going on…but I looked at it in more depth later and saw that the player thought he was referencing something we knew about. It was in other ways a disaster, too, but those ways are personal.

Still, kudos to the winner for always showing up.

Pablo’s Blue Period
Leif Bierly, Sarah Bizek, Rachel Dwyer, Samantha Fronek, Greg Johnson, Oliver Thrun, John Youker

Red Hot Pokers
Kim Brake, Marisa Carlson, Cory Funk, Jason Harber, Josh Mitchell, Robin Zimmer

Wolley Bullies
Patrick Kozicky, Carrie Metz, Blair Ross, Zach Swalley, Perry Thrun, Brienne (Maner) Zimmer

Here’s the season.

SURVIVOR V
Writing/Conceptual
January-April, 2009
Judges: Kelly Wells, Ben Thietje

Survivor V was a good one. Participation sucked early on, but the top ten were great, and the top six or seven looked like an All-Star game. Three former winners were in the top six, and two others had nearly won. The first-timer, though, cut through them like a knife through hot butter with his filthy fucking mind. Ben Thietje signed on as a co-judge, and like a retard, he missed the first challenge so I had to cover for him.

Do I Have to Read What Todd Writes??: Katie Driscoll, Rachel Flynn, Samantha Fronek, Jason Harber, Andy Rustleund, Colin Woolston

Donkey Pantaloons: Sarah Bizek, Stacey Ellerbroek, Scotte Hoerle, Patrick McIntyre, John Youker

The James Earl Jones Fan Club: Jennifer Bindner, Kelly Jo Ernst, Rusty Greene, Chadbourne Hamblin, Todd Karner

Lake Tahoe Dancing Kenyans: Andy Baker, Christian Bell, Rachel Dwyer, Ryan Fossum, Patrick Kozicky, Josh Mitchell

SURVIVOR VI
February-April, 2010
Writing/Conceptual
Judges: Kelly Wells, Ben Thietje

Survivor VI was a weird one. I had sixteen players, but I was so used to having lots of teams by that point, I made the crummy decision to make them into four teams and eliminate two people a week until the merge. Still, the top seven or so was intriguing, as one dude sold out his team, who didn’t know he had an existing relationship with other players. Sadly, one of the three finalists couldn’t finish his final challenge and one couldn’t even start it, so the season ended with a whimper. For the second season, Ben Thietje was co-judge. For the second time, he missed the first challenge.

Nuzzling Nancy’s Pelosi: Dean Carlson, Roman Feeser, Rusty Greene, Andy Rustleund

Obi-Ama Canoles: Andy Baker, Kelly Jo Ernst, Katie Hamblin, Josh Mitchell

Pussy Perusers: Leif Bierly, Sarah Bizek, Joe Rice, Colin Woolston

Taciturn Tektites: Chadbourne Hamblin, Jason Harber, Brooks Maki, Beau

Challenge: Fiction 59 (Monte Williams)
Results: Fiction 59: Kelly’s Half
Results: Fiction 59: “Ben’s” Half
Eliminations 1, 2; Challenge: Captions (Ben Thietje)
Results: Captions: Kelly’s Half
Results: Captions: Ben’s Half
Eliminations 3, 4; Challenge: Twenty Questions (spookymilk)
Results: Twenty Questions: Ben’s Half
Results: Twenty Questions: Kelly’s Half
Eliminations 5, 6; Challenge: Create a Challenge (spookymilk)
Results: Create a Challenge
Elimination 7, Challenge: Six-Word Evaluations (Kenneth Brandt)
Results: Six-Word Evaluations
Elimination 8, Challenge: Book Jacket (spookymilk)
Results: Book Jacket
Elimination 9, Challenge: Fortunately, Unfortunately (Ryan Fossum)
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately
Elimination 10, Challenge: Inappropriate Elementary School Play (Cathy Wells)
Results: Inappropriate Elementary School Play
Elimination 11, Challenge: Vague Classified Ad (spookymilk)
Results: Vague Classified Ad
Elimination 12, Challenge: The Onion (Ben Thietje/spookymilk)
Results: The Onion
Elimination 13, Final Challenge: Fakebook (Rusty Greene)
Elimination 14
Final Challenge Results

SURVIVOR VII
May-November, 2010
Writing
Judges: Kelly Wells, Beau

Survivor VII featured 21 friends of mine from a blog community of dudes obsessed with the Minnesota Twins. Non-submissions were rare and the talent level was well balanced. Unfortunately, but hilariously, one team had an eight-week run that has to be read to be believed. The endgame saw some shenanigans, followed by one last non-submission that changed the course of the finish and paved the way for the winner. Beau signed on as my co-judge.

Nick Punto’s Fury: Geoff Beckstrom, Kenneth “SBG” Brandt, Sean Kelly, Ryan “UncleWalt” Kaatz, Joseph “punmanbowler” Rakstad, Michael “frightwig” St. John, “The Dread Pirate” Will Young

Vindictive Voiceless Vagrants: Tedd “FirstTimeLongTime” Getman, Dan “DK” Kautz, Brooks “Big Mak/Daneeka’s Ghost” Maki, Eric “eschapp/yickit” Schapp, William “CarterHayes” Schuth, Erik “hungry joe” Sundberg, Rob Zenk

The Winner Group: Eric “B.B.” Billings, Peter “nibbish” Bruzek, David “Rhubarb_Runner” Larson, Andrew (Anonymous), Ian “New Guy” Pratt, Zack Sauvageau, Brendon “GreekHouse” Stanton

Teams Revealed
Challenge: Fiction 59 (Monte Williams)
Results: Fiction 59
Elimination 1, Challenge: 20 Questions (spookymilk)
Results: 20 Questions
Elimination 2
Challenge: Letter of Resignation (Beau)
Results: Letter of Resignation
Elimination 3
Challenge: What was that You Asked? (Beau)
Results: What was that You Asked?
Elimination 4
Challenge: Bantam Bulwyr (Beau)
Results: Bantam Bulwyr
Elimination 5
Challenge: Create a Challenge (spookymilk)
Results: Create a Challenge
Non-Elimination 6
Challenge: Surprise Eulogy (spookymilk)
Results: Surprise Eulogy
Elimination 6
Challenge: Warning Label (spookymilk)
Results: Warning Label
Elimination 7
Challenge: Six-Word Evaluations (Beau)
Results: Six-Word Evaluations
Elimination 8
Challenge: Fortunately, Unfortunately (Ryan Fossum)
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately (Beau’s half)
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately (Kelly’s half)
Elimination 9
Challenge: Video Game Pitch (spookymilk)
Results: Video Game Pitch (Kelly’s half)
Results: Video Game Pitch (Beau’s half)
Elimination 10
Challenge: Advice Column (Beau)
Results: Advice Column (Kelly’s half)
Results: Advice Column (Beau’s half)
Elimination 11
Challenge: Road Trip Spin (spookymilk)
Results: Road Trip Spin
Challenge 12
Challenge: Meeting of the Mimes (spookymilk)
Results: Meeting of the Mimes
Elimination 13
Challenge: Interrogation (Beau)
Results: Interrogation
Elimination 14
Challenge: Genre Swap (spookymilk)
Results: Genre Swap
Elimination 15
Challenge: Describe the Sensation (Wyl Schuth)
Results: Describe the Sensation
Elimination 16
Challenge: Children’s Book Extrapolation (Beau)
Results: Children’s Book Extrapolation
Elimination 17
Challenge: Rashomon (spookymilk)
Results: Rashomon
Voting Results, Tiebreaker Challenge: Fiction 59 (spookymilk)
Tiebreaker Results: Fiction 59
Elimination 18
Challenge: Toynbee (Brooks Maki)
Results: Toynbee, and top three finishers revealed

SURVIVOR VIII
January-June, 2011
Writing
Judges: Kelly Wells, Beau

Though marred by a couple of weird moments and a whole lot of non-submissions, Survivor VIII ended up being a damned good season that kept me guessing until the end. Four of the top seven finishers had finished in the top seven in the last two seasons, but two of the three finalists were playing for the first time and all three finalists were fantastic in the final challenge, driving the judges crazy, though it’s a nice problem to have. Beau was my co-judge again.

Dark Stormy Knights: Nathan Bahls, Peter Bruzek, Dave Johnson, Tanya Laumann, Tom Morgan, Ryan Sorrell, Ben Thietje

Likes Bacon: Sarah Bizek, Tara Kinney, Sam Landman, Josh Mitchell, Ian Pratt, Joseph Rakstad, Scott Stearley

Spawn of Steinbeck: Shawn Ashley, Dean Carlson, Drew Geraets, Dan Kautz, Brooks Maki, Matt Novak, John Youker

Teams Revealed
Challenge: Fiction 59 (Monte Williams)
Results: Fiction 59
Challenge: Bantam Bulwyr (Beau)
Results: Bantam Bulwyr
Challenge: Second Opinion Nursery Rhymes (spookymilk)
Results: Second Opinion Nursery Rhymes, Eliminations 1 and 2
Challenge: What was that You Asked? (Beau)
Results: What was that You Asked?
Elimination 3
Challenge: Dewey Defeats Truman (spookymilk)
Results: Dewey Defeats Truman
Elimination 4
Challenge: Create a Challenge (spookymilk)
Results: Create a Challenge
Elimination 5, for now
Challenge: Grab Bag (spookymilk, and everyone listed)
Elimination 6, sort of
Results: Grab Bag
Elimination 6, for real this time
Challenge: Punch to a Quick End (Tanya Laumann)
Results: Punch to a Quick End
Challenge: Letter of Resignation (Beau)
Results: Letter of Resignation
Elimination 8
Challenge: Seemingly Useless Superpower (spookymilk)
Results: Seemingly Useless Superpower
Elimination 9
Challenge: You’re So Vain (spookymilk)
Results: You’re So Vain
Elimination 10
Challenge: Fortunately, Unfortunately (Ryan Fossum)
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately: Kelly’s half
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately: Beau’s half
Elimination 11
Challenge: No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Die (spookymilk)
No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Die results and Elimination 12
Optional Challenges: 20 Questions, Downfall (spookymilk, Dean Carlson)
Results: Downfall
Results: 20 Questions
Challenge: Meeting of the Mimes (spookymilk)
Results: Meeting of the Mimes
Elimination 13
Challenge: I Said Lunch, Not Launch (spookymilk)
Results: I Said Lunch, Not Launch
Elimination 14
Challenge: Myth Mash-Up (Dave Johnson)
Results: Myth Mash-Up
Elimination 15
Challenge: MacGyver (Ryan Sorrell)
Results: MacGyver
Elimination 16
Challenge: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (Dan Kautz)
Results: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Elimination 17
Challenge: Machine of Death (I borrowed it from These dudes)
Results: Machine of Death
Elimination 18
Final Challenge: Dirty Harry (Brooks Maki)
Results: Dirty Harry, and top three finishers revealed
Postgame discussion about the season’s challenges

SURVIVOR IX
July 2011 – September 2011
Strategy/Variety
Judge: Kelly Wells, and Beau helped with a couple of writing-based challenges

Survivor IX was the first game ever to feature no previous winners (well, besides the first) and non-submissions killed the thing dead to open; however, unpredictable alliances made it good watchin’ for myself and others. Our post-merge game was incredible, as we saw the first-ever save as the result of a Hidden Immunity Idol and a series of clever plays leading to an unlikely but very deserving winner. Perhaps the best game ever until XI came along.

Spy Tag: Geoff Beckstrom, JG Berwald, Zillah Glory, Dana Hazen, Josh Mitchell, Andy Rustleund, Zack Sauvageau, Will Young

Ugly Juanita: Sarah Bizek, Peter Bruzek, Rachel Dwyer, Bret Highum, Jon Mullaly, Erik Sundberg, Ben Thietje, Colin Woolston

SURVIVOR X
October 2011 – March 2012
Writing
Judges: Kelly Wells, Dan Kautz

Survivor X was a writing season with an embarrassment of talent. Unfortunately, participation was at first embarrassing too. We lost the first ten people (a new record!) as the result of non-submissions, and since there was always exactly one non-submitter per team, the voting was academic and unnecessary. Strategy was utilized, but it generally resulted in people getting voted out by a large majority, so there wasn’t a lot of tension for viewers. Although it was one of the worst seasons of “Survivor,” it’s the best season we ever had for writing, and the post-merge group was full of all-time greats.

SPOILER ALERT!: Shawn Ashley, Leif Bierly, Dean Carlson, Jake Elliott, Ryan Fossum, Zillah Glory, David Larson, Colin Woolston

nibbish and his Vogons: JG Berwald, Peter Bruzek, Patrick Kozicky, Brooks Maki, Matt Novak, Zack Sauvageau, Beau, John Wreisner

I’m with Stupid: Don Campbell, Bret Highum, Ben Johnson, Sean Kelly, Josh Mitchell, Tom Morgan, Andy Rustleund, Will Young

TURBO SURVIVOR I
March 2012 – July 2012
Short Writing
Judges: Beau, Dan Kautz, Stef Briggs

Beau created an alternate way to play writing Survivor that’s brilliant but beautiful in its simplicity, and I’m a little annoyed that I didn’t come up with it. He also came up with the medal system, which is awesome.

For this season, three days are all the players got, and they emailed Beau at their leisure to get the challenge parameters and then have 15-120 minutes to complete their entries.

The game was one to remember, with just two total non-submissions, a meltdown, a shocking elimination, a couple more meltdowns as part of a bizarre judging “controversy” and a twelve-person merge. I finished in eleventh place, so clearly, the twelve-person merge is a mistake.

After the merge, the first couple of eliminations suggested one alliance, but the third through sixth suggested another. Then, even more twists were in store, and we now ended up with a final four that I couldn’t have predicted for a million dollars. I did predict the winner correctly at that point, though. I mean, why pick anyone else?

The Breviteurs
Shawn Ashley, Sarah Bizek, Don Campbell, Zack Sauvageau, Ryan Sorrell, Erik Sundberg

The Supreme Fighting Hero Force League, With Lasers
Cory Funk, Sarah Johnson, Tanya Laumann, Brooks Maki, Kelly Wells, Will Young

The Submitters
Geoff Beckstrom, Rose Devitt, Tom Morgan, AMR, Brendon Stanton, Colin Woolston

The Corporate Sponsorshippers
Peter Bruzek, Erik Dikken, Matthew Gilman, Bret Highum, Miriam Metwaly, Peggy Sorrell

SURVIVOR XI
July 2012 – November 2012
Strategy
Judge: Kelly Wells

For the first time ever, players played anonymously. I created alias emails for everyone, and they flew blind with alliances. Who was boned by teaming with an eventual non-submitter? What usual rivals teamed together? Who created the funniest alternate persona (Will Young did)? Most importantly: why do I come up with such stupid names?

This season was also the first to involve no teams. It caused great paranoia among the players, and was such an exciting and unpredictable season I really can’t imagine going back to strategic seasons without anonymity. I watched game emails all the way through; I tell ya, I don’t know how some of you do this season after season.

In the end, All-Stars were born, and an existing All-Star finally put his name on the sidebar with a disgustingly good game.

Aspiring to Insincerity
Annika Greyskull, Carla Fudgepillows, Chubby Soup, Cleavon Freshmix, Cleopatra Burlington, Commissioner Goofypants, Corrina Flabbypatches, Crispy Thomas, Dahlia Moosegravy, Elihu Farley, Endoplasmic Paperbags, Horace the Load, Johnny Samplerplatter, Judas is a Carrot, Lean Mutton Morgan, Madeline Puppypickles, Mariska Crookshanks, Meldon Dumpsterbucket, Miles O’Christ, Mitchell Happygrandpa, Orlando Gloopgloop, The Power of Bread, Wimpy Pistol

SURVIVOR XII: ALL-STARS
November 2012 – March 2013
Strategy/Writing/Conceptual
Judge: Kelly Wells (w/AMR, Beau)

I never thought I’d actually run an All-Star game, but here we are.

The teams were excruciatingly even. Did one of the greats who had almost pulled it out finally pull it out, or did we see padding of stats? It doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s not boring, Survivors. Sadly, most of the post-merge game was just that, although Rusty kept it as interesting as he could.

In the end, though we got there in an tediously straightforward manner, one of the better players finally got on the board with his first win, and snapped the WGOM winning streak in the process.

SAUSAGE FEST
Geoff Beckstrom, Conner Burke, Ryan Fossum, Cory Funk, Bret Highum, Dan Kautz, Brooks Maki, Andy Rustleund, Will Young

NEFARIOUS PORPOISES
Pete Bruzek, Roman Feeser, Rachel Flynn, Samantha Fronek, Rusty Greene, Patrick Kozicky, Matt Novak, Zack Sauvageau, Colin Woolston

Teams Revealed
Challenges One and Two: Community Story, Scattergories (spookymilk)
—->Hidden Immunity Idols are here!!!!!!!<—-
Results: Scattergories
Results: Community Story
Eliminations One and Two; Challenge Three: Snakes on a Plane (spookymilk)
Results: Snakes on a Plane
Elimination Three; Challenge Four: Bantam Bulwyr (Beau)
Results: Bantam Bulwyr
Elimination Four
Challenge Five: Emperor Wu’s Exploding Cake (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Emperor Wu’s Exploding Cake
Results: Emperor Wu’s Exploding Cake
Elimination Five; Challenge Six: Twenty Questions (spookymilk)
Results: Twenty Questions
Elimination Six; Challenge Seven: Create-a-Challenge (spookymilk)
Results: Create-a-Challenge
Elimination Seven; Challenge Eight: Seussification (spookymilk)
Results: Seussification
Elimination Eight
Challenge Nine: Character Assassination: Part I (Rusty Greene)
Results: Character Assassination: Part I
Elimination Nine
Challenge Ten: Character Assassination, Part II (Rusty Greene)
Results: Character Assassination: Part II
Elimination Ten; Challenge Eleven: Book Jacket (spookymilk)
Results: Book Jacket
Elimination Eleven
Challenge Twelve: Spookymilk Sheeple (Bret Highum)
Ongoing Results: Spookymilk Sheeple
Results: Spookymilk Sheeple
Elimination Twelve; Challenge Thirteen: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (spookymilk)
Results: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Elimination Thirteen; Challenge Fourteen: Round Robin Hangman (spookymilk)
Results: Round Robin Hangman
Elimination Fourteen; Challenge Fifteen: Dirty Harry (Brooks Maki)
Results: Dirty Harry
Elimination Fifteen; Final Challenge: Mexican Standoff (Will Young)
Elimination Sixteen; Call for the Jury
Jury Questions Answered
And the Winner Is…

SURVIVOR XIII
June – October 2013
Writing/Conceptual
Judges: Kelly Wells, Dan Kautz (w/Beau, Erik Dikken)

Survivor XIII! Players have been dying for another writing season. It was marked by the same early non-submission problems as the usual writing season, although the manner of most of the nonsubs was…weird, to say the least. Also, for the first time since probably the first game, nonsubs weren’t the game-killer that they used to be.

Three teams traded blows leading into the merge, and left us with one of the most unpredictable seasons we’ve ever seen. Women are back in a big way, at long last. This final group looked like none we’ve seen in a very long time, and they played in a different way than most groups that went to the end. I’m fairly certain no other season will ever play out like this one did.

PERENNIAL LYCANTHROPES
Michael Battista, Sarah Bizek, Conner Burke, Brian David, Patrick Lofton, Margaret Martin, Josh Mitchell, Matt Novak, Colin Woolston

MANTI TEO’S DEAD GIRLFRIEND
Melissa David, Beau du Bois, Ryan Fossum, Bret Highum, Tom Morgan, Jonathon Pope, Zack Sauvageau, Gary Sonnenfeld, Will Young

WILFORD BRIMLEY’S PERSONAL DEATH SQUAD
Shawn Ashley, Joshua Berwald, Pete Bruzek, Matthew Gilman, Nancy Jack, Brooks Maki, Erik Sundberg, John Wreisner, Sarah Wreisner

SURVIVOR XIV
October 2013 – March 2014
Strategy
Judge: Matt Novak

Hey, it’s Matt Novak’s first chance to mod! Well, it’ll still be kinda fun anyway. Aw, snap!

Matt got off to an auspicious start by breaking my promise of never running the “Drop Your Buffs” twist on the CdL, and he also predictably ran the biggest game with the biggest merge just to say he could. Still, many of the new challenges were excellent fun, if a little demanding of players. Interpersonal entanglements got weird as the group dwindled to seven in just four and a half short months. There was a lot of time to get paranoid, and for people to blow up their own games just because there was so much time to go crazy. That said, it was one of the better games ever, with a lot of players actually playing to win.

The Loyal Subjects of King Herbert the Twelfth
Ambidextrous Jon, Cellular Mitosis, Gaspar Fopsworth von Belsig, Gloria Taxachusetts, Jesus H. Buddha, Mitch the Possible, The Mysterious Norway, Peaches ‘n’ Steve, Perforated Eddie, Thad the Bunter

The Renegades of Fun
Captain Ezekial Jailbait, Glitter, Honey Bunches of Donald, Humberto the Amazing Sandwich, Inspector Gidget, Mathasaurus!, Pugnacious Emile, Reginald James Neville Neville, Roundhouse Farter, Winnie the Screw

Team Big Ass Monster Truck
A Really Scary Mummy, Cuthbert Headlam, Dave Circa Tuesday, Drake Constantinople, Eats a Lot of Pie, Francois le Petit Geant, Lt. Borf, Sir Assheton Pownall, Skunk Bait Jones, Tiffany Ann Foxyhotsex

Teams Announced
Challenge: Number Dilemma (Novak)
Results: Number Dilemma
Challenge: Mastermind-to-Mind-to-Mind (traditional)
Results: Mastermind-to-Mind-to-Mind
Eliminations 1 and 2
Challenge: A Little Birdy Told Me (Novak)
Ongoing: A Little Birdy Told Me
Results: A Little Birdy Told Me
Elimination 3
Challenge: Pogs! (spookymilk)
Results: Pogs!
Eliminations 4, 5 and 6
Hide Yourself; Best Character Vote
Challenge: Minefield (nibbish)
Results: Minefield; Elimination 7
Elimination 8
Challenge: Red Rover (Novak)
Ongoing: Red Rover
Elimination 9
Challenge: Hangman (traditional)
Results: Hangman
Elimination 10
Challenge: Trivia Buckets (Novak)
Ongoing: Trivia Buckets
Results: Trivia Buckets
Elimination 11
Challenge: New Parent (Novak…good God)
New Parent: CANCELLED
Challenge: Relay Race (Novak)
Results: Relay Race
Elimination 12
The Diary of Drake Constantinople
Challenge: Tug of War (Novak)
Ongoing Results: Tug of War
Eliminations 13 and 14
Challenge: Battleship Shapiro (Novak)
Ongoing Results: Battleship Shapiro
Results: Battleship Shapiro
Elimination 15
Challenge: Emperor Wu’s Exploding Cake (spookymilk)
Ongoing: Emperor Wu
Results: Emperor Wu’s Exploding Cake
Elimination 16
Reward Challenge
The Merge
Challenge: Giant Mexican Standoff (spookymilk, Novak)
Results: Mexican Standoff
Final Results: Mexican Standoff
Elimination 17
Auction
Challenge: End of the Line (Novak)
Results: End of the Line
Elimination 18
Challenge: Quiz No-Nos (Novak)
Ongoing Results: Quiz No-Nos
Results: Quiz No-Nos
Elimination 19
Hide Yourself
Hide Yourself Results
Challenge: Gold Rush (spookymilk)
Day One Results: Gold Rush
Final Results: Gold Rush
Elimination 20
Challenge: House of Cards (spookymilk, Novak)
Ongoing Results: House of Cards
Results: House of Cards
Elimination 21
Challenge: All in the Timing (spookymilk)
Results: All in the Timing
Elimination 22
Challenge: Snakes on a Plane: Whacking Day (spookymilk, Novak)
Results: Snakes on a Plane: Whacking Day
Elimination 23
Challenge: Poker Hands (Novak, spookymilk)
Results: Poker Hands
Elimination 24
Challenge: Chess Blocker
Results: Chess Blocker
Elimination 25
Challenge: Bullseye (spookymilk)
Results: Bullseye
Elimination 26
Challenge: Zookeeper (Novak)
Ongoing Results: Zookeeper
Results: Zookeeper
Elimination 27
Final Challenge: Quiz Show (spookymilk)
Results: Quiz Show
Elimination 28
Jury Questions Answered
Walk with Mathasaurus! through the Graveyard
Winner Revealed

SURVIVOR XV
May – September 2014
Writing
Judge: Kelly Wells, Dan Kautz, Matthew Gilman

Holy shamoles, this game got serious in a rush. There were two total nonsubs in the entire thing. Navigating a game with this much participation is much tougher and we saw some frantic flailing both by new players and by old hats. The post-merge game was alternatingly obvious and bizarre. When we got to four it was still hard to say who was going to win the thing.

MIRANDA PRIESTLY’S UNHOLY SWEATER CRISIS
Shawn Ashley, Pete Bruzek, Roman Feeser, Rusty Greene, Rex Ogle, Peter Steinke, Will Young

FRESHLY RUPTURED HYMEN
Annette Barron, Melissa Diamond, Jack Haas, Joe Harrell, Tom Morgan, Zack Sauvageau, Colin Wolfson

LIAM NEESON’S WALRUS
Leif Bierly, Brian David, Bret Highum, Brooks Maki, Margaret Martin, Beau, Colin Woolston

BIG BRASS…BAND
Sarah Bizek, Christina Pepper, Jonathon Pope, Sama Smith, Erik S, Katie Walter, Sarah Wreisner

SURVIVOR XVI
September 2014 –
Strategy
Mod: Kelly Wells; Additional Challenges by Matthew Gilman

Survivor XVI is weird. I’ve run many of my best challenges, but early on they were met with confusion and apathy from new players who felt overwhelmed mostly because they chose to feel overwhelmed. However, in the post-merge world things got rather interesting, as a Pagonging was thwarted by some enterprising young players and it’s time to see if the new alliance holds.

ENTHUSIASTIC SEXUAL VIOLINS
Arrogant Fur Porter, Brian Bumbershaft (Theoretical Mack), Brock Hardcastle, Crusty Knuckles, Francis Undergarments, Friar Funk, Gropin’ the Wind, History’s Greatest Meatloaf, Jerky Smuggler, The Rhyming Couplet Kid, A Shrubbery, Spacegirl Lucinda Wright

*MANIACAL LAUGHTER*
The Claw, Cleansed Robotics, Farthington von Landingham III, A Greased Scotsman, Groovy Loaf, Have at it Gang, Horatio Goatblower, Horny O’Friendship, Millicent Gloom, Radical Cabbage, Thumbtack Jr., Unlimited Breadsticks

Challenge: Marco Polo Sasquatch (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Marco Polo Sasquatch
Cursed Immunity Idols
Results: Marco Polo Sasquatch
Elimination 1; Challenge: The Acronomicron (Matthew Gilman)
Results: The Acronomicron
Elimination 2; Challenge: Puff Puff Pass (spookymilk)
Weekend Game: Puff Puff Pass
Results: Puff Puff Pass
Elimination 3; Challenge: Mount Rainier (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Mount Rainier
Results: Mount Rainier
Elimination 4; Challenge: Red Rover (mbnovak)
Results: Red Rover
Elimination 5; Challenge: Correct Four (Matthew Gilman)
Results: Correct Four
Elimination 6; Challenge: What’s in Your Head? (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: What’s in Your Head?
Elimination 7
Results: What’s in Your Head?
Elimination 8; Challenge: Shoving Match (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Shoving Match
Results: Shoving Match
Elimination 9; Challenge: Cliques (spookymilk)
One World
Results: Cliques
Elimination 10
But What About Immunity Idols?
Challenge: Swifties (Matthew Gilman)
Results: Swifties
How the Merge Works
Elimination 11
Elimination 12; The Battle for Stonehenge (spookymilk)
Results: The Battle for Stonehenge
Elimination 13; Challenge: Here Comes the Fuzz (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Here Comes the Fuzz
Results: Here Comes the Fuzz
Elimination 14; Challenge: Lights Out (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: Lights Out
Results: Lights Out
Elimination 15; Challenge: The Medal System (spookymilk)
Results: The Medal System
Elimination 16
Challenge: Vouchsafe (spookymilk)
Results: Vouchsafe
Elimination 17
Challenge: The Shamrock Drop (spookymilk)
Results: The Shamrock Drop
Elimination 18
Challenge: Highest Bidder (spookymilk)
Results: Highest Bidder
Elimination 19
Challenge: The Eyes of Easter Island (spookymilk)
Results: The Eyes of Easter Island>
Elimination 20; Challenge: The Food Chain (spookymilk)
Ongoing Results: The Food Chain
Results: The Food Chain
Voting Results
Tiebreaker Challenge: How Well Do You Know Your Corpses? (spookymilk)
Tiebreaker Results; Elimination 21
Final Challenge: Primary Objective (spookymilk)
Results: Primary Objective
Elimination 22; Call to the Jury
Jury Questions
Jury Questions Answered
Graveyard Walk
And the Winner Is…

SURVIVOR XVII: TWO WORLDS
May – July 2015
Strategy
Mod: Kelly Wells

Survivor XVII was a ball. Yes, we had a bunch of flakes early on, but you’ll have that when there are a bunch of new people hanging around. Once the dead weight was cut, the game began in earnest, and about halfway through I realized I had what I wanted: a game where a bunch of new players surprised the hell out of me and stepped forward to become some of the best Spookymilk Survivor players. It was also a 33-person game played in 75 days.

SURVIVOR XVIII (TURBO II)
August – November 2015
Turbo Writing
Judges: Kelly Wells, Matt Novak

Strategy is hiding in here somewhere. It’s got to be.

(Much Later: It wasn’t. But whatever. Stories were good)

Draft Challenge
Results: The Misadventures of Clem
Tribes Announced; Challenge 1
Results: Malformed
Eliminations 1 and 2; Challenge 2
Results: We’ll Make Something Up; Elimination 3
Challenge 3
Results: Intrigue
Elimination 4; Challenge 4
Results: The Last to Know
Elimination 5; Challenge 5
Results: Smart Feature
Elimination 6; Challenge 6
Results: Fortunately, Unfortunately
Elimination 7; Challenge 7
Results: Distillation
Elimination 8; Challenge 8
Results: Trial at the Gateway
Elimination 9; Challenge 9
Results: The Sacrifice
Elimination 10; Challenge 10
Results: In the Moments After; Elimination 11; Challenge 11
Results: The Newborn
Elimination 12; Challenge 12
Results: Bros Before Hoes, and ther Mistakes
Elimination 13?
Results: Stick to the the the Plan; Elimination 13; Challenge 13
Results: Little. Yellow. Different.
Elimination 14; Challenge 14
Results: Small-Town Diner
Elimination 15?
Results: Local Zero; Elimination 15; Challenge 15
Results: Calvinball
Elimination 16?
Results: Tears of a Clown; Elimination 16; Challenge 16
Results: Taboo
Elimination 17?
Results: Blood Thinner; Elimination 17; Challenge 17
Results: I’m With the Band
Elimination 18; Challenge 18
Results: Farewell to the King
Elimination 19?
Resuts: Surprise, Bitch; Elimination 19; Challenge 19
Results: Art vs. Commerce
Elimination 20; Challenge 20
Results: You Can Have It
Elimination 21?
Results: The Draw; Elimination 21
Results: Silent Partner
Elimination 22;; Call to the Jury
Jury Questions
Jury Questions, Answered
And the Winner Is…

SURVIVOR XIX
February –
Strategy
Mod: Dan Kautz

Your competition, and also you

HALL OF CHAMPIONS

SPOOKYMILK SURVIVOR

I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz

XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David

XXIV: Stacy “Fucking” Snell

GODS AND MORTALS
I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

BIG BROTHER
I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott

FALL, CAESAR
2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron

THE ROYAL RUMBLE
2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard
2019: #16 Jake “The Jabroni” Elliott

PLAY WITH THE PROSE
(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

PUZZLE CHALLENGE
I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

DIPLOMACY
I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)

8 comments

Comments feed for this article

July 18, 2011 at 12:09 pm

nibbish

Well, today WAS a constructive day until I noticed this about an hour ago.

July 18, 2011 at 12:27 pm

spookymilk

Heh heh. You’re welcome.

June 7, 2012 at 1:45 am

daneekasghost

Death of a Legend?

11th: Kelly Wells (HERO)

I think that sums it up.

/kiss-ass

June 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

spookymilk

Ha! I only planned on leaving that until someone noticed it. I wasn’t under the impression that anyone even came to this page.

June 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

mbnovak

Constantly.

June 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

spookymilk

That’s seriously good news. I hoped I wasn’t doing this all for naught.

June 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

mbnovak

Why else would all of my comments be so bitter?

June 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

spookymilk

Ha!

	mbnovak on Taciturnsville 2: Day 5
	punmanbowler on Taciturnsville 2: Day 5
	adobery on Taciturnsville 2: Day 5
	todahshy on Taciturnsville 2: Day 5
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	BigPapaJonTheElf on Taciturnsville 2: Day 5

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