(Note from Kelly: I’m sticking this to the front page. Look down for everything else. Alright, over to DK)

Survivor XVI is almost concluded, and that means after a brief Werewolf interlude, it’s time to start Big Brother 2. My name is DK, and like last time around, I’ll be hosting and running this game. For those of you who played BB1, or who are familiar with the show, you’re already aware of the basic mechanics of the game. For those who are new, I’ll give a brief rundown of the game cycle in a moment.
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After an impromptu funeral where they buried their fallen friend mbnovak in a shoe box, the freaks decided to get some rest, leaving the citizens of Assbutttown to wander the midway and accuse each other of being evil. inkarnit was fully loaded now, and catcalling the women and more androgynous men (beer goggles, and all that) who passed by. Colin and joepunman played the game where you use the water gun to race a car across the wall, which punman won when Colin elected to douse him with water instead because he likes to be a dick. yickit stood around in a leather jacket, telling people he disagreed with things. TDO, a carney barker, entreated poor dopes to try to do that impossible game where you knock down three hella heavy milk jugs.
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Apologies for the late post.  I’ll send an email so this doesn’t get swallowed up by werewolf or whatever.


“There are SO many things I regret about last evening. . . . I made spaghetti in the microwave.”

Word limit: 333 words.
Due Date: Monday, December 22 at 8 PM Central.  This is the last challenge that will be due before December 23rd.
Judging: Kelly and Pepper are judging Interrobang. DG and DK are judging Ampersand.  I promise to be in a better mood.


Hi, Interrobang! I was excited to get over here and hang out with you guys after a three-challenge absence, but I think we can be honest with each other…writing about lost love is apparently not your strong suit. This site has no problem with serial killers and dark sci-fi, but matters of the heart are but a mystery to us. Though it’s not the best week, there are a couple of hidden gems here. For the rest of you, we’ll give ‘em hell next time. And for Melissa and Novak: what the hell, kids? Where are you?
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Well, today was not a good day outside of the CdL for me.

And we only have six stories here.

And Pepper has a fever, so you guys are getting the blunt version of judges comments.  If we were harsher than necessary, we apologize.  If we weren’t harsh enough, send me an email and I’ll vent a bit.

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As the rednecks whistled and tried to act casual while they swept up the pile of uberminz, the wolves were elsewhere in the park, cornering a victim.

“I am a wolf,” one said.

“I am a wolf,” said the next.

“I am a wolf,” said the other two, in unison, because they stupidly hadn’t decided beforehand the order in which they’d speak.

“I’m a wolf too. I’ve been saying it all day,” said the victim, who wasn’t lying. The wolves were unconvinced, and rent him asunder.

Elsewhere, other revelers were wondering when they’d be added to the narrative. You’ll get your chances, dudes.

uberminz Day 1, burnt at the stake by anti-intellectuals
daneekasghost Night 1, couldn’t convince the wolves he was a wolf
Dread Pirate

NIGHT will again fall at 9pm Central. I’ll be around. I have to judge Play with the Prose tonight, but this is easy enough to keep up with so I won’t keep you waiting.

Suddenly, Wolves!

I have no real flavor text for the morning, but will decide what to do when people start dying. Someone keep track of votes as we go and please email me if a majority is reached; I’ll be at work for much of the day.

These people are playing:

bhiggum (Bret Highum)
daneekasghost (Brooks Maki)
The Dread Pirate (Will Young)
gingefringe97 (Greg Stipp)
Grey (Colin Woolston)
inkarnit (Colin Wolfson)
joepunman (Joe Rakstad)
kg2005 (Erik Dikken)
mbnovak (Matt Novak)
meat (Joseph Shores)
nettiebarron (Annette Barron)
TDO (Gary Schulz)
todahshy (Michael Rivet)
uberminz (Matthew Gilman.)
yickit (Eric S…pp)

Have fun in there, gang. And be present, damn you.

I’ll finalize and send out roles in about four or five hours when I take a break from work.  If you want in, say so now.

Hello one last time, Survivors. Did you know?: at 95 days, this was the third-shortest game in history. Pretty sweet, huh? Take notes, Novak. And no more tribe swaps. And no 14-person merges. And no more Annettes and Mollys. Am I getting off track here? I’m getting off track here. Let’s see who won this game, out of a pair of very strong competitors.

Here are the votes, which are named. You’ll note that some of these people wrote more than others. That’s cool, I guess. None of the jurors are Novak, so that keeps the word count down. WOOOOO, STRIKE AFTER STRIKE TO NOVAK’S STUPID ELVISH FACE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jerky Smuggler

Spacegirl-Gloom played a great game but Spacegirl worked harder and deserves the win IMO.

Groovy Loaf

Spacegirl, I wish I could give you my vote. If you had shown up at the final two with anybody else, I absolutely would have. The fact that you arrogantly assumed you could beat Gloom, means you’ve found a home at the House of Milk. Bunch of arrogant assholes, the lot of them (us). But you should have taken Gloom out instead of Trip. The fact that all three of you ignored the obvious and didn’t send one vote Gloom’s way, means that she played a brilliant game.

Gloom, just so you know, the newbie girl disguise lasted until the merge, but not much past it. But to your credit, I couldn’t seem to find a way to remedy my mistake. I cry foul at you trying to take any credit for the ouster of Claw (aside from the obvious), but it doesn’t really matter. Paranoia took care of him for you. Kelly will back me up, but it was always my goal to find you and become your ally because of our success in other games. So I got my wish and it was a great partnership for a really long time. Congrats on a great game.

My vote and my love goes to MILLICENT GLOOM.

Crusty Knuckles

I’ll vote for space girl. Well played

Unlimited Breadsticks

Millicent Gloom, you planned, executed, and evolved a great strategy and it took you to the end. The answers you gave coincided with your actions and proved that you had carefully planned each move, eventually leading you to orchestrate the final eliminations. I knew what you were capable of watching you discuss strategies during the pre-merge (and post-merge) game. You constantly weighed in on discussions, looking at the challenge from a different angle. This skill proved you to be a valuable asset to the team and is what made you successful in the post-merge challenges. Millicent Gloom, you have my vote.

Spacegirl Lucinda Wright, you would have had my vote if you could have proven to me that you had strategized as much as Gloom had from the beginning. I don’t believe you had as much control over the game as you stated you did. That being said, you still played a terrific game and clearly made the right decisions to be able to hang in until the end.

Cleansed Robotics

>>> bob.talk()
Spacegirl, I had a lot of issues with your game when I headed into the into the jury, but those have been largely cleared up. The comments in the jury room, along with your answers, have shown me that your game was excellent. You played actively and aggressively and your strategy was rock-solid. All nit-picking aside, you made only one serious mistake: choosing Gloom as your partner.

The thing is, Gloom’s game was jaw dropping. Spacegirl may have made it against terrible odds, but it’s a testament to Gloom’s expertise and the subtlety of his strategy that he appears to have coasted right on through. I thought I was getting decent at this game, but going up against Gloom showed me what top-level playing really looks like.

You are a great player, Spacegirl, and few people could have done better. Millicent Gloom is one of those people.
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“And my heart’s breaking faster than my will not to call you
’Cause when you said that you wanted me I thought it was true”

Word limit: 287.5 words.  Half as many as last time.
Due Date:  Thursday, December 18 at 8 PM Central.
Judging: Kelly and DK are judging Interrobang. DG and Pepper are judging Ampersand.


Not sure why the first post disappeared. Weird…

Hey, Prosers. Have you read all of the past week’s CdL content? Of course you haven’t, because SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP. Fun Fact: I was going to post the Survivor winner tonight, but didn’t want it to get buried. Less Fun Fact: two of you were nonsubs. More Fun Fact: That’s one fewer than in recent weeks. Neutral Fact: Brooks is still perpetually finding no common ground with any judge. Fact That is Neither Good, Bad nor Neutral Depending On Your Point of View: we do, however, always chatter about these afterward and make sense of what the other person saw. Frankly, this was a wide open week and I’m secretly relieved that we spread the love with the medals. “But Kelly, why do you always say you’re ‘secretly’ something when you tell us about it?” Lick me, Hypothetical Guy, and get on with the turtling!
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Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel "The Double-Dealer" Flynn

II: Ryan "The Snake" Fossum

III: Patrick "The Gentleman" Kozicky

IV: Brienne "The Submitter" Maner

V: Rusty "The Porn Star" Greene

VI: Brooks "The Unlikely Hero" Maki

VII: William "The Soulful" Schuth

VIII: Brooks "The Survivor" Maki

IX: Zack "The Ice Cream Man" Sauvageau

X: Pete "The Vacuum Cleaner" Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks "The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens" Maki

XI: Matt "The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er" Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy "The Quiet Man" Rustleund

XIII: Sarah "Clarence's Hope" Bizek

XIV: Dan "The Professional" Kautz

XV: Christina "Assault And" Pepper

XVI: Matt "The First-Time Player" Novak

I: Dragging Rivet's Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)

I: Brooks "Oh, for the Love of God" Maki
II: Coming Soon

Pete "An Apparently Long Title Reign" Bruzek (6/23/14)

Link to the Cutthroat Junction site. Over there, we do once-a-month strategic mega-games while the champion defends his title in a one-on-one. Head over to see how it works.

2013: #21 Greg "The Gallant Glutton of Greatness" Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon "Big Papa" Pope

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah "Centipede Face" Johnson
II: Sarah "The Johnson Eliminator" Wreisner
III: Colin "Lonely Old Moon" Woolston
IV: Melissa "Not Sidebar Material" Diamond
V: Sama "No Family Reunions" Smith
VI: In Progress

WEREWOLF (most recent)
Villagers (two in a row!) - bhiggum, daneekasghost, Dread Pirate, greekhouse, Grey, mbnovak, MelissaD

I (Pure): Matthew "The Obsessor" Gilman
I (Power): Kelly "The Novak-Destroyer" Wells

I: Matt "Exploiter of Worlds" Novak (France)

Spookymilk Survivor XVI


Millicent Gloom


24th: Brandon Keel (Friar Funk) (ESV)
23rd: Geoff Beckstrom (Arrogant Fur Porter) (ESV)
22nd: Scott Stearley (A Greased Scotsman) (ML)
21st: Michael Rivet (History's Greatest Meatloaf) (ESV)
20th: Joh Galindo (Horatio Goatblower) (ML)
19th: Chris Barthule (Have at it, Gang) (ML)
18th: Alan Briggs (Francis Undergarments) (ESV)
17th: Eric Peterson (Horny O'Friendship) (ML)
16th: Dana Hazen (A Shrubbery) (ESV)
15th: Brooks Maki (Gropin' the Wind) (ESV)
14th: Joseph Rakstad (The Claw) (ML)
13th: Melissa Diamond (The Rhyming Couplet Kid) (ESV)
12th: Colin Wolfson (Brock Hardcastle)


11th: Conner Burke (Crusty Knuckles)
10th: Jake Elliott (Jerky Smuggler)
9th: Peter Bruzek (Thumbtack, Jr.)
8th: Eric Sch. (Radical Cabbage)
7th: Chris Dykhoff (Brian Bumbershaft, Theoretical Mack)
6th: Jon Roberts (Unlimited Breadsticks)
5th: Annette Barron (Groovy Loaf)
4th: Zack Sauvageau (Farthington von Landingham III)
3rd: Brian David (Cleansed Robotics)


2nd: Michelle Pratt (Spacegirl Lucinda Wright)


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