Players know this already because they were emailed, but I never posted because I did an embarrassing amount of Survivoring as it is at work today and didn’t want to slow myself down with a post.

Anyway, the two teams have joined together on one island called “The Commons,” a new Diplochat page where their comments are found from now on. We’ve got cross-team chatter in spades, viewers, so get at it!

Meanwhile, players should already know this as well, but the first deadline for Cliques has been extended to Tuesday night at 9pm Central as well. I’ll be gone for much of Tuesday (about noon to seven Central) without access to the site, so if you need an answer, text me. I hope to bring along my iPad and have some wifi access during a break so I can check in on any potential questions.

Here we go, Survivors. Weren’t all the eliminations starting with the last one supposed to be more difficult and interesting? Well, we’ll get there.

Vote One: A Shrubbery (his own).

Vote Two: Crusty Knuckles. “Not a fan of your subterfuge weakening our team’s numbers when we’re in a tight battle like this.”

Vote Three: A Shrubbery. “I’ll vote for the non shrub”


Vote Four: A Shrubbery.

Vote Five: A Shrubbery.

Vote Six: A Shrubbery. “One to many nonshrubs, easy vote.”

Vote Seven: A Shrubbery. “I vote for the non-shrub”

Vote Eight: A Shrubbery. “'Twas a night for submitting — we'd make PLENTY of subbery!

Most creatures were stirring, except maybe Shrubbery.

It was fine, though! Our moves had been planned with such care,

And we had real high hopes that a our team plant might be there.

Yes, the night before, we tossed and turned in our beds,

With anxiety dreams of Zombies dancing in our heads.

But today, Shrubbery appeared, said he'd even set an alarm!

Surely we weren't at risk of some tom foolery-based harm.

But despite his checking in with us an hour beforehand,

Something terrible happened in Diplochat land.

Twig-wounds on our hands; our faces covered in mud,

We've now mowed down (I mean voted out!) our goddamned non-shrub.”

Ninth Elimination from Spookymilk Survivor XVI: Dana “A Shrubbery” Hazen

Well, who else can say their elimination warranted a three-stanza poem? So there’s that going for you.

I’m not sure what happened here. Things seemed fine a week or so ago, but the zombie thing changed that, and this one was even stranger, as indeed Shrubbery showed up less than hour before needing to submit, and then still didn’t. Dana’s never gotten into the elite group before, but I don’t think she’s ever nonsubbed either? But at least we’ve got “nonshrub” for the rest of the season, so thanks for coming up with that, dude who came up with that.

Alright, we hereby merrily roll along with five-eighths of you left, as you all wonder how quickly the ol’ merge is coming. It’s on the horizon, surely!

This one is called Cliques. Who wants to relive high school?!?!?! Me neither, but I still like the game. It’s needlessly complex, just like high school cliques! I was going to call this “The Cool Table” but it’s possible the table won’t end up being all that cool, so I went the safe route.

Your team has seven players (Thumbtack, Jr. will sit this out. I know that’s annoying because you never got to move last time, but you didn’t officially sit out so I kept you in the mix. Don’t worry – there’s plenty of room for you to help with strategy). Seven kids each from the student councils of East Violin High and Maniac Valley are meeting for a district caucus, and in an astonishing coincidence, each council has:

1 Homecoming Royal

1 Bully

1 Thottie (I have learned from working with young folks that this is what we call sluts now)

2 Nerds

2 Cool Kids

It’s lunchtime, and that means it’s time to navigate the difficult waters of clique rules. However, there’s only one table.

On each turn (Eight hours plus reprieve time, just like in the last challenge) your team will send someone to sit at the table. When both teams have sent someone, I’ll update the board with their placements (just send the coordinate). If they tried to sit in the same seat, they’ll be told; both must still be the next to move, but neither can sit in that seat. In the last round, the rules change there; priority will go to the person who’s higher up on the list: Royalty, Cool, Bully, Thottie, Nerd. If it’s the same, priority will be given to the one that sits first.

So what you’re trying to do is have the fewest shunned players at the table. Here’s how each kid’s “powers” work.

Homecoming Royal.. The Homecoming Royal will automatically protect the all people who sit next to or across from him or her, as long as they sit down at the same time or later. They are immune from all shunning, except from a bully. A Royal is only susceptible to a Bully, even though the Bully in question would still gain the Royal’s protection.

Bully. The bully will automatically beat up (thus shunning) someone next to him. He can either choose an empty or occupied seat next to him. He is susceptible to Thotties and the Principal.

Thottie. The Thottie will entice the person next to him or her, which will get them an STD (and therefore shunned). The Thottie can choose an empty or occupied seat next to him or her. If the Thottie tries to entice a Homecoming Royal, s/he is publicly shamed and shunned, losing the protection she would otherwise have. She is also susceptible to the Principal.

Cool Kid. Cool Kids automatically shun any Nerd next to or across from them, regardless of when they’re placed. They are susceptible to Thotties and Bullies.

Nerd. Nerds, naturally, are likely to be shunned in the end unless they suck from the Royal’s aura. However, they’re good with information. When he sits, a Nerd is allowed to choose a seat next to or across from him and learn the role of that person, whether they’re seated yet or not. If this seat ends up being occupied by his own school, well, that sucks.

Note that school affiliation does not matter. You can still be shunned by your own mates.

See the fancy asshole to the left of the table, smiling smugly? That’s the Principal. He will automatically publicly shame and shun the Bully or Thottie who sits closest to that side of the table. If two are the same distance away (as in, across from one another) they’re both shunned. This happens after the initial shunning. The Principal is just as susceptible to the Royal’s charms as anyone, and will not shun a Bully or Thottie protected by a Royal. It’s possible, as a result, that the Principal will shun nobody. If the closest Bully or Thottie has already been shunned, then the Principal will not affect things.

If the teams have equal numbers at the end, it will broken by:

1. number of Royals left

2.-4. number of Cool Kids, Bullies, Thotties left

If it’s still a tie we’ll both eliminate someone.

I hope this makes sense. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too, because at least I know how it works. Note that shunning all happens at once (besides the Principal) and you can be shunned even while shunning.

PLEASE ask questions if you have them, so I can answer them for everyone. Challenges like this have a way of surprising me with their intricacies.

I’ll be emailing you your roles within the next hour, unless work gets in the way.

Cheers, Survivors.

Guys, I have to put this one out of its misery. Not that it was miserable, I guess. I really liked it. However, there was no way left for ESV to win unless both remaining MLers nonsubbed, and that wasn’t gonna happen given the players involved, so here we go.

I’ll bet you’d like to see the points distribution! Lots to digest there.

ESV, give me a vote by Monday night at 9pm Central. Sorry this was so abrupt, but I definitely didn’t want you guys to find out later that nothing you could have done with the last two turns mattered and your obsessiveness was for naught.

Cheers, Survivors.


Jerky Smuggler (ESV) def. Millicent Gloom
The Rhyming Couplet Kid (ESV) def. Unlimited Breadsticks
The Claw (ML) def. Gropin’ the Wind
Radical Cabbage (ML) def. Spacegirl Lucinda Wright
Groovy Loaf (ML) def. A Shrubbery (nonsub)
Farthington von Landingham III (ML) def. Brian Bumbershaft, Theoretical Mack

Crusty Knuckles vs. Cleansed Robotics

Due 4:06pm Tuesday

It’s been a pretty weird couple of days, Survivors. An unlikely “falling rocks” elimination and a weird set of circumstances to finish the last challenge have got me pretty excited. But there’s nothing better than elimination day, so let’s get after it.

Vote One: Horny O’Friendship.

Vote Two: Farthington von Landingham III. “no hard feelings, just need to send a vote.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s the results spreadsheet. Note that there are five tabs for the moves.

As I outlined to the players via email, although it looks like ML came back in the end, they actually didn’t, as Crusty has a goat to protect him and thus the two members of ML die in the final turn. That was an unexpected ending (which is all you really want in a zombie movie, right?).

*Maniacal Laughter* has until Thursday night at 9pm Central to submit a move to me. ESV, for the first time, has pulled ahead in the win column, though due to losing their undergarments they’re only going to be tied in people. Well, whatever. That means nobody sits out the next challenge! Now to decide which of the two is the one I should run first. Hmmm…

Cheers, Survivors. Good to see this thing turning into a real game today.

Over on ESV, a player has made the eighth attempt at a Cursed Immunity Idol. I didn’t think that would happen and it kind of sucks to have to eliminate someone for this, but them’s the rules, I guess.

Seventh Elimination from Spookymilk Survivor XVI: Alan “Francis Undergarments” Briggs

Undergarments was just eliminated from What’s in Your Head?, so this won’t have any impact on the rest of the challenge.

I admit some real surprise that Undergarments wasn’t given the heads up that this idol was gone, so the team could keep numbers, but that’s the way this went down. It’ll be interesting to see if this has a big impact on the long-term game.

Alan, if you play again there will be no Cursed Idols (or perhaps you specifically will be immune from them). Cheers, Survivors.

Players, this adds nothing to what you already know, but the spreadsheet for viewing is right here.

Viewers, now you can’t take me to task for not posting an ongoing post, like with Red Rover.

Next move due Sunday night at 9pm Central.

One more foregone conclusion. Then we’ll get to the real deal, eh?

Vote One: Have at it, Gang.

Vote Two: Have at it, Gang.

Vote Three: Have at it, Gang.

Vote Four: Have at it, Gang.

Vote Five: Have at it, Gang. “seeeeee ya.”
Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, that was fast!

Here are your results. I take pride in the fact that when Gilman pitched this to me, I actually did get the one category that both of you teams missed. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I did miss something else that was good in there, though.

Losing team, vote to eliminate someone (I wonder who!!!!) by Friday night at 9pm Central. I’ve got to figure out how the next challenge works between now and then…

Cheers, Survivors.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 237 other followers

Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel "The Double-Dealer" Flynn

II: Ryan "The Snake" Fossum

III: Patrick "The Gentleman" Kozicky

IV: Brienne "The Submitter" Maner

V: Rusty "The Porn Star" Greene

VI: Brooks "The Unlikely Hero" Maki

VII: William "The Soulful" Schuth

VIII: Brooks "The Survivor" Maki

IX: Zack "The Ice Cream Man" Sauvageau

X: Pete "The Vacuum Cleaner" Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks "The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens" Maki

XI: Matt "The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er" Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy "The Quiet Man" Rustleund

XIII: Sarah "Clarence's Hope" Bizek

XIV: Dan "The Professional" Kautz

XV: Christina "Assault And" Pepper

XVI: Game On

I: Dragging Rivet's Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)

I: Brooks "Oh, for the Love of God" Maki

Pete "The Already Eliminated from Survivor" Bruzek (6/23/14)

Link to the Cutthroat Junction site. Over there, we do once-a-month strategic mega-games while the champion defends his title in a one-on-one. Head over to see how it works.

2013: #21 Greg "The Gallant Glutton of Greatness" Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon "Big Papa" Pope

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah "Centipede Face" Johnson
II: Sarah "The Johnson Eliminator" Wreisner
III: Colin "Lonely Old Moon" Woolston
IV: Melissa "Not Sidebar Material" Diamond
V: Sama "No Family Reunions" Smith

WEREWOLF (most recent)
Villagers (two in a row!) - bhiggum, daneekasghost, Dread Pirate, greekhouse, Grey, mbnovak, MelissaD

I (Pure): Matthew "The Obsessor" Gilman
I (Power): Kelly "The Novak-Destroyer" Wells

I: Matt "Exploiter of Worlds" Novak (France)

Spookymilk Survivor XVI


Brian Bumbershaft, Theoretical Mack
Brock Hardcastle
Crusty Knuckles
Gropin' the Wind
Jerky Smuggler
The Rhyming Couplet Kid
A Shrubbery
Spacegirl Lucinda Wright


The Claw
Cleansed Robotics
Farthington von Landingham III
Groovy Loaf
Millicent Gloom
Radical Cabbage
Thumbtack, Jr.
Unlimited Breadsticks


24th: Brandon Keel (Friar Funk) (ESV)
23rd: Geoff Beckstrom (Arrogant Fur Porter) (ESV)
22nd: Scott Stearley (A Greased Scotsman) (ML)
21st: Michael Rivet (History's Greatest Meatloaf) (ESV)
20th: Joh Galindo (Horatio Goatblower) (ML)
19th: Chris Barthule (Have at it, Gang) (ML)
18th: Alan Briggs (Francis Undergarments) (ESV)
17th: Eric Peterson (Horny O'Friendship) (ML)


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 237 other followers