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Despite absolutely no demand whatsoever, I made a Sporcle Quiz containing all 112 players that have ever played the game.

Here it is.

I realize most of you won’t get a lot, but I made this for myself as much as anything. Have fun, y’all!

I never thought I’d share this openly, but I also never thought I’d be playing, and if I have this info then everyone should. Plus, it’s awesome.

Enjoy the history of the game.

Here ya go!

It’s high time I shared these publicly.

Spookymilk Survivor History (Details every player, by game)

Survivor: Average Finish (A list of best to worst players according to average finish)

Team Names: Worst to Best (Not a spreadsheet. Also, not scientific.)

There are spreadsheets from last season and this season to show voting history, too, but I’m not sure that should be for public consumption (certainly not this season’s, at any rate).

Survivor I has been added to the archives. I’m not sure why I’d do these on back-to-back days…it seems like such a good idea until I’m a third of the way done and I want to slit my wrists. Well, at least it’s over, and there are only two more seasons to archive at some point.

Finally I got all the votes in, and we have a winner of the inaugural Kellyspace Survivor. I know what you’re all thinking: “Kelly, when will Survivor 2 be? This was great, but ultimately it was way too short!”
Patience, friends. I don’t know when it will be.
Rachel Flynn vs. Sam Fronek. The votes have come in, and I will post them in the order of which they came–keep in mind that they’re voting for the winner here, so they want to see their name this time.
Vote One: Rachel Flynn. “i vote that rachel wins!”
Well, that was pretty straightforward. I guess I hoped for long, fun explanations, but seriously, four months of this is a long f*&^in’ time.
Vote Two: Samantha Fronek. “Coin flip.”
Really? With so much on the line? Whatever…
Vote Three: Samantha Fronek. No reason given.
Vote Four: Samantha Fronek. “My decision was based on breast size.”
Ah, I’ve missed you. Your explanations were always the best throughout the game.
At this point, for about three days, I waited for more votes. Four votes were in with only one more needed to name a victor, and I started getting antsy. Seriously, I thought, I’ll just post and finish this damned thing as soon as I get enough to end it.
Alas, I kept waiting on the slow-ass jury to get their votes in. I don’t think I’d yet bugged anyone with a second email, but I was close.
Then I ran into one of them, who hadn’t seen their email in the past week:
Vote Five: Rachel Flynn. “Just the way she played.”
Okay. No winner yet, but at least there were only two stragglers to worry about. I was talking online to one of them about poker when this came out:
Vote Six: Rachel Flynn. “I sent it but stupid myspace probably ate it. It was Rachel if it’s not too late.”
Okay then. Six votes in…only another few hours, and this thing will be over, right? Wrong. Peter Maloney’s vote was still out there, and even after another prodding email, he sent nothing. He was the only unvoted member of the jury for a full ten days or so, and I became antsy and annoyed. I couldn’t just name a winner because we were still tied, and I didn’t want to make it a tie. So finally after ten days, I decided to take the final vote and give it to the tenth place player in Survivor, which was Bobby Gardner.
This was the same Bobby Gardner that I knew had an early alliance with Sam Fronek, and an agreement to go to the top with, if possible. The same Bobby Gardner that teamed with her to try to eliminate his own best friend, Ben Thietje, and would’ve succeeded if Ben hadn’t spearheaded a maneuver to get rid of Bobby instead. I knew that Bobby had the alliance with Sam, and for that, I apologize. But Bobby had to be the next member of the jury.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby’s Vote Seven and the winner of the first-ever Kellyspace Survivor, portrayed by the most eerily fitting photo of all time:

(Kelly 2011 Speaking: In case that link’s dead, it’s actually a picture of Rachel)

From the inbox, courtesy of Rachel:
I just want to say that this is one of the harder decisions I’ve had to make in a long time. Both Cathy and Sam totally rock and it has been a joy and an honor competing with and against both of them. I will spare you the twisty, rambling details of my decision making process and just cut straight to the point:

This is where Cathy’s KellySpace Survivor adventure ends and the two remaining KAWKs will face off for the title.

I guess that’s it.
Fourteenth Elimination from Kellyspace Survivor: Catherine Wells
That leaves the final two:
Rachel Flynn
Samantha Fronek
The two of them used KAWK’s overwhelming team lead to get to this point. Wait a minute, they were down 7-3! That doesn’t make a lick of sense!
Anyway, now they wait to see who wants who to win. When the seven votes come in, you’ll know.
(Almost) The End.

This one was easy to score. Why? Because I didn’t have to score it. Why not? ‘Cause only one person did it. I give you Rachel Flynn’s submission of how she got here:
My Life in KellySpace Survivor: a Keen Elocution on Love, Loss and Yearning

It began with an open invitation posted quietly between numbers twenty-three and twenty-two on the Top 100 Movie Countdown; a call to be part of yet another of Kelly’s on-line amusements. Having faithfully followed the Celebration of 64 – from which I had been ruthlessly eliminated in the first round against a younger Matt Urberg – I decided that I had something to prove and some time to kill. The only things at stake: my tender ego and the sketchy promise of finite digital glory.

I was picked (by a roll of the dice) to name our team. Upon conferring with my teammates we came up with: The Kelly Allen Wells Killers or KAWKs as we were to be known for the next several weeks. I unofficially assumed the role of “team captain,” setting up a blog for communication, making sure that everyone was on the same page, and cheering our flock on to the victory for which we were destined.

Sadly, the first challenge got us off to a rough start. I kicked it off with Dan Gladden, Sam offered Jarvis and Oliver eventually chimed in with Chili, (props to Kelly Jo for the inspired choice of Chuck Knoblauch) but the rest of the KAWKs were nowhere to be found. It was luck that KAWKs who were usually logged into MySpace on a very regular basis just didn’t have time to check in that day. Bummer. Our first elimination: Candace. Ben Thietje managed to provoke someone into voting for me – thanks to Cathy for recognizing the value of a bit of healthy competition 😉

Challenge Two was a much better showing for the KAWKs. A beautiful kinetic combination of the blog (the M.A.’s zeroed out some of their own high scores due to lack of communication) and a bit of OCD (I reread the whole Top 100 Movie list looking for any hints about specific actors, directors, styles, etc. that might elicit high scores and compiled a list of likely options) and having awesome taste in movies and knowing the judge’s tastes (Josh and Oliver brought It – despite Kelly’s lack of having seen either Akira or Kung Fu Hustlewhich totally should have gotten 5 points each) brought the KAWKs to a sound victory and the M.A.s bid adieu to Kelly P.

Challenge Three saw another defeat for the KAWKs despite Josh’s awesome 8-point worthy suggestion (the fruit of which is being born at this very moment). If only Oliver would have submitted his suggestion on time – it was actually my favorite of all the entries – unfortunately he was busy having his head up his own ass or something. It cost Oliver a place on the team.

Despite our best efforts to recall, research, bribe, guilt, and con the answers out of our memories and/or friends, KAWKs were left in the dust on Challenge Four. This one hit me like a punch in the kidney for several reasons but most especially because the title of Thietje’s short film (forgot milk?) threatened to shake a friendship apart – only because Thietje was being kind of a cocksmack about it. And then we lost Danielle. Five to seven going into the Challenge Six. Ugh!

Fiction 59 marked the first time that I sought assistance from friends outside the KellySpace world – proofreaders chosen for having sensibilities comparable to the judge’s. However, Colleen’s busy schedule paired with Kelly’s too-low scoring of Sam’s story made for another KAWK defeat. The team was down to four. Yikes!

While we set about the next task of compiling a list T.V. shows, there came a special opportunity: Survivor Bonus Immunity: Bacon to Peterman. I spent hours on connecting the dots from Kevin to Missy. I won the Idol and never had to use it.

KAWKs got spanked again on Challenge Six and we lost Tanya to the world of wedded bliss. And the time had come for the teams to under the name KAWK Monkeys (which Sam got credit for in Challenge Seven, but really I suggested it first, I’m just saying…).

Ah, the Endurance Ladder. Once again, my OCD paid off and I was totally kicking all the ass right up to the point where Cathy mucked it up for me. Ah well. Bye-bye Bobby. And on to the Happy Grams. I genuinely enjoyed doing this challenge because I genuinely enjoy having the opportunity to say nice things to people. I agree with Kelly Jo’s complaint that the Source’s scoring didn’t really seem to be in keeping with the spirit of the Happy Grams, but so it goes. Peter was voted out and then it was time to talk dirty.

Challenge Nine: I was surprised by people’s reactions to this one. Personally, I thought it was a good time, but then I did manage to keep a long-distance relationship hot and heavy for a year and a half and across an ocean when I was in college so writing titillating prose was hardly new territory for me };-) Anyway, the home field advantage gave Cathy the win on this one and then there were five; no KellySpace poker for Matt. A damned good time was had by all at poker night and we reached a unanimous decision about the next vote. Clearly the competitive spark had disappeared from Thietje’s eyes and so it was time to vote him off.

The letterboxes challenge was yet another opportunity for me to showcase my obsessive nature and mad skills when it comes to tracking down random shit on the internet. I finally won immunity! And we had to vote off a great player: Kelly Jo.

Going in to Challenge Twelve the final four is made up of three KAWKs – this makes me extremely happy. I won immunity again (yay) but it didn’t matter because Josh decided to bow out of the competition.

And now here we are: Cathy, Rachel and Sam. The Final Three. Chicks rule!
So obviously, Rachel is immune. Now Rachel must make the final vote to eliminate either Sam or Cathy, and from there, I go to the final seven eliminations and ask them to vote for a winner. We’re through the looking glass here, people. The challenges have ended. Now all I can do is wait.
So Rachel…um…have the vote in by Wednesday morning. If it’s in before that, I’ll post and start emailing about votes for a winner before that.
Cheers, everyone.

Well, zoinkers.
Here you are. Three of you are left to become the first-ever Kellyspace Survivor. Just five short (heh heh) months ago, this game began, and at times I actually lived it. The day I scored the Endurance Ladder, for instance.
At any rate, this is the final challenge, and if anyone had the Hidden Immunity idol from so long ago, it has now dropped away and all are at equal strength.
Whoever wins this challenge will have the good fortune of being guaranteed one of the final two spots. However, with great power comes great responsibility (as Spider-Man’s uncle Ben put it, shortly before Spidey’s lack of responsibility got him killed). The person who wins this challenge will be the only one with any voting power, since obviously the other two would vote for each other.
So know this: if you win, you alone decide who’s in the final two with you.
Further, remember that there’s no challenge after this; the final seven people to be voted out will vote for a winner. Whoever gains the most votes will be declared Kellyspace Survivor.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves; there’s still the ridiculously cruel final challenge to deal with.
A Thousand Words: Part III
A little bit of fun coincidence: Peter was eliminated immediately before the challenge he suggested, as now was Josh. Also, Matt was eliminated right before poker, a game at which he rules. Huh.
Anyway, your goal is to write, in 1000 words or less, how you got to this point.
Scoring will be decided like this: the person who is able to fit the word “Kelly” in the text the most often is the winner. This doesn’t mean in sequence, it means that I’ll actually count every k-e-l-l-y in the text.
The other rules, by which you must abide to avoid disqualification:
*Everything you say must be true. If you reference a vote you cast or something, it has to be legit.
*Everything must make sense grammatically and contextually. It shouldn’t be obvious to an outside observer that certain letters were given preference just by hearing it.
Okay, there’s a revised rule here. *You can’t repeat any single word. Ever.
Yes, I know. You want to kill me. But even words like “the” and “Kellyspace” and “it” can only be used once. The one exception: “I” may be used as many times as necessary. Hey, I’m not made of stone!

*As I tried to do this in my head, I realized how dicktacular and ridiculously hard this made it. So here’s the thing: you can repeat words, but you can only score on them once. So you can use “the” as often as you want, but only once will the “e” be used to score. Better?
This game has been perverse amounts of fun for me.
Entries are due by Monday, October 9th, by 8 in the morning. I added a couple days so it couldn’t possibly interfere with the MLB playoffs. Har har.
Any questions can go here.

Rachel’s are here:
Cathy’s are here:
Sam’s were sent in a zip file, which is all well and good for sizing, but also means I can’t put them on a hosting site. If you want to see them, I’ll send them to you.
And then there’s Josh. He didn’t do any.
Okay, here’s the results of who got each of the first sixteen filled:
1 A limo: Rachel
2 A fire hydrant next to an oak tree: Cathy, Rachel
3 Someone sleeping in public: Cathy, Rachel, Sam
4 A red car with a female driver: Cathy, Rachel
5 A tombstone with the name “Olson”: Cathy, Rachel
6 A child with a stuffed animal: Cathy, Rachel
7 The Galactic Pizza delivery “car”: Rachel
8 Someone eating sushi. : Rachel
9 A green car parked in front of McDonald’s: Cathy, Rachel
10 A grown man under five feet tall: Cathy, Rachel Note: check out Cathy’s; he’s a guy who was born with no arms or legs. Apparently, he’s known in Austin, Texas as “the karaoke guy.” That guy must be one hell of a good singer to have no limbs and have a nickname that doesn’t incorporate that fact. I wish I could’ve heard him sing.
11 A very large man of over 40 wearing a pink shirt: Cathy, Rachel
12 At least six cows in one photo: Cathy, Rachel
13 Any recognizable Minnesota sports figure or professional wrestler; you must be in the photo with them: Cathy (Justin Morneau), Rachel (Joe Nathan). Now, I totally got served on this one. Cathy’s part in the photo is only her shoulder, which I know is hers only because I took the picture. Rachel’s is even funnier. Either way, it’s cool with me, because I love both those guys and am happy to have them in the game. Welcome, guys!
14 A sign in a store with either a misspelling or bad grammar: Cathy (Tom Yorke instead of Thom Yorke), Rachel (“Please no touch her”, referring to a Pewter statue of a female warrior). That sounds like ESL, I would imagine.
15 A kid who looks like either Harry Potter or Hermione Granger (from the movies): Rachel (the picture is Emily from Cannibal!. I never would’ve thought of it, but huh. Yep. Emily=Emma.
16 A goth kid giving two thumbs up: Cathy gets 1/2 point. The kid is giving one thumb up. This could just as easily be worth no points, but in my semi-drunken sun-soaked Austin City Limits countenance, I said I’d give her that. Oh well. Rachel gets a full point, but I should probably give her several. I’m not going to, but don’t worry, the scores don’t end up as such that it will matter.
After the 16 “fill the requirement” photos, it’s Rachel 16, Cathy 11 and 1/2, and Sam with 1.
17 “Size does matter”: All three girls fit the picture. All were pretty good, but I went with Cathy’s (if you don’t see why, read the guy’s shirt).
18 “This is not what I expected to see first thing in the morning.”: Filled by all. Cathy’s is the first instance of her getting in trouble for a picture of me being included (no, not really, but I look pretty damn stupid). Rachel’s is hilarious, though obviously posed for the game. Sam’s is also hilarious (and dirty), and although it wasn’t posed for the game, it was definitely posed. So who wins? Hell, I don’t even know which I like better. I’ll say this one’s a wash. Points for none!
19 “Sometimes, a little lube goes a long way.”: Filled by Sam and Rachel. I’ll go with Sam here.
20 “I know I asked you to bring me some food, but this is ridiculous.”: Filled by all, and all very different. I like Sam’s, though, because it’s absolute insanity. She only needs 13 points in the last 10 pictures to force a tie! Oh, wait.
21 “That cat does NOT know what it’s in for.”: Filled by all. They’re all funny/cute, but Sam’s is also beautifully dark, so hers gets the point.
22 “The best way to scratch an itch.”: That’s my insane mother-in-law scratching her back with a rake. Rachel’s is funny too, but Sam gets yet another point for using this hilarious picture and bringing Bob and Ben back into the game.
23 “Something tells me that he didn’t want us to see that.”: All three of these are pretty sweet too, but Cathy’s is my favorite. Rachel’s is very different, and I agonized over this one.
24 “It was like that when I got here!”: Filled by all. I don’t know who that girl in Sam’s picture is, but that picture is damn funny; the picture of my daughter, though, is one of my favorite of her and also fits perfectly. Point for Cathy.
25 “Did you mean to do that?”: This is the first instance of someone other than Cathy using a picture of me, as Rachel uses one from Mari’s birthday party. Cathy used my intense dislike of full-size cardboard cutouts and my hatred of John Wayne. Sam’s is a picture I’ve seen before, but is very sweet. I’ll go with Sam’s again.
26 “Excuse me, I believe I ordered a large.”: Cathy was going to take a picture of the enormous Heineken balloon outside the ACL park, but forgot. It would’ve been awesome, but still wouldn’t have beat Sam’s perfect entry. Rachel’s is very unorthodox and cute, and I wish she and Cathy weren’t being so soundly defeated in the caption ones because their stuff is really good. Oh well.
Score with four left: Rachel 16, Cathy 14 and 1/2, Sam 7.
27 “You’re fired.”: Ooh! That one’s Rachel’s, no question. Check out that crazy evil-looking picture of Mari at one month old, though.
28 “I’d like to have your vote in November.”: Oh boy, there’s another definite point for Rachel. The others are fun as well (the picture of me, another fairly old one, is pretty funny).
29 “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”: Impressively, two babies were used in this one; the baby carrying a hammer in Rachel’s isn’t too imposing otherwise, nor is Mari with the branch-thing she’s holding (you should look at that one, though, it’s a great one I’d forgotten all about). Sam’s is just really cool, and it gets the point.
30 “Please, honey! Not in public.”: I really don’t want to get shut out in another picture I’m in, because that picture is really funny and I look like a total douchebag, but Sam’s fits the caption best. God, she kicked so much ass on these that it’s a shame she didn’t get more of the first 16.
Final score: Rachel 18, Cathy 14 and 1/2, Sam 9.
Immune: Rachel Flynn
‘member when I said that whole goth thing didn’t matter? I bet you think that’s because Rachel won immunity. But it’s actually because Josh Mitchell has decided to eliminate himself, citing his inability to consistently keep up with the game and the game’s sheer length. That’s odd to me considering there’s only one challenge left, but that’s where it’s at. The men, not long ago largely outnumbering the women in this game, have all been eliminated. Very important note: Josh said this a few days ago, and if he suddenly changes his tune, I’ll say so. But he’d probably be voted out anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.
Flynn. Fronek. Wells. You three are the biggest of all KAWK Monkeys.
Challenge 13, the final challenge, is soon to follow. It’s called A Thousand Words: Part III, and I hope you didn’t start writing it based on Josh’s original pitch, because I made a couple very important changes to it. You’ll hate me. Cheers.

1 A limo
2 A fire hydrant next to an oak tree
3 Someone sleeping in public
4 A red car with a female driver
5 A tombstone with the name “Olson”.
6 A child with a stuffed animal
7 The Galactic Pizza delivery “car”.
8 Someone eating sushi.
9 A green car parked in front of McDonald’s
10 A grown man under five feet tall
11 A very large man of over 40 wearing a pink shirt
12 At least six cows in one photo
13 Any recognizeable Minnesota sports figure or professional wrestler; you must be in the photo with them
14 A sign in a store with either a misspelling or bad grammar
15 A kid who looks like either Harry Potter or Hermione Granger (from the movies)
16 A goth kid giving two thumbs up
17 “Size does matter”
18 “This is not what I expected to see first thing in the morning”
19 “Sometimes, a little lube goes a long way”
20 “I know I asked you to bring me some food, but this is ridiculous”
21 “That cat does NOT know what it’s in for”
22 “The best way to scratch an itch”
23 “Something tells me that he didn’t want us to see that”
24 “It was like that when I got here!”
25 “Did you mean to do that?”
26 “Excuse me, I believe I ordered a large.”
27 “You’re fired.”
28 “I’d like to have your vote in November.”
29 “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
30 “Please, honey! Not in public.”
Also: for the first sixteen, it must be obvious that you took them and didn’t find them on the internet or something. If I catch that, I’ll eliminate your ass in cold blood.
As for the last fourteen, if you need to pose something to fulfill the photo, that’s fine, but only one person will get a point for each of the caption ones, and unposed things will always trump the posed ones. Make sense? Groovy.
And one last thing: don’t ever fly Delta. That’s all.
As always, direct questions to the blog, and you have until September 28th to do these. That’s a long while.

Your competition, and also you



I: Rachel “The Double-Dealer” Flynn

II: Ryan “The Snake” Fossum

III: Patrick “The Gentleman” Kozicky

IV: Brienne “The Submitter” Maner

V: Rusty “The Porn Star” Greene

VI: Brooks “The Unlikely Hero” Maki

VII: William “The Soulful” Schuth

VIII: Brooks “The Survivor” Maki

IX: Zack “The Ice Cream Man” Sauvageau

X: Pete “The Vacuum Cleaner” Bruzek

Turbo: Brooks “The 1956-1979 Montreal Canadiens” Maki

XI: Matt “The Cold-Hearted Motherf*&^er” Novak

All-Stars (XII): Andy “The Quiet Man” Rustleund

XIII: Sarah “Clarence’s Hope” Bizek

XIV: Dan “The Professional” Kautz

XV: Christina “Assault And” Pepper

XVI: Matt “The First-Time Player” Novak

XVII: Stacy “Saintly Patience” Snell

XVIII: Brian “Checkmate” David

XIX: Annette “Eammon for the Top” Barron

XX: Daniel “Neville “Smash “Hardware” Hardwood” Longbottom” Caouette

XXI: Pete “The Comeback Kid” Bruzek

XXII: Dan “The Even More Professional” Kautz

XXIII: Melissa “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” David

XXIV: Stacy “Fucking” Snell

I: Dragging Rivet’s Name Through the Mud One Last Time: Matt Novak (Ultragrandpa) and Michael Rivet (Friph Flipher-Fiph)
II: Bahambo Number 5: Pete “Triple Crown” Bruzek and Michelle “Single Tiara…So Far” Pratt

I: Brooks “Oh, for the Love of God” Maki
II: Michael “#DDB” Rivet
III: Pete “Fortune’s Fool” Bruzek
IV: Erin “All Seven and We’ll Watch Them Fall” Leslie
V: Jake “Littlefinger” Elliott

2014: Brooks “The Creator” Maki
2015: Matt “The Artist” Novak
2016: Matt “Waited Them Out” Novak
2017: Annette “I Would’ve Voted for You” Barron

2013: #21 Greg “The Gallant Glutton of Greatness” Johnson
2014: #29 Jonathon “Big Papa” Pope
2015: #8 Christina “Am I in This?” Pepper
2016: #22 Annette “No Backs Stabbed” Barron
2017: #30 Bernice “The Vulture” Nicaise
2018: #17 Carrie “Solid Gold” Bard
2019: #16 Jake “The Jabroni” Elliott

(Writing, non-elimination)
I: Sarah “Centipede Face” Johnson
II: Sarah “The Johnson Eliminator” Wreisner
III: Colin “Lonely Old Moon” Woolston
IV: Melissa “Not Sidebar Material” Diamond
V: Sama “No Family Reunions” Smith
VI: Sarah “Tumor Face” Wreisner
VII: John “Cult Following” Wreisner
VIII: Joshua “Peed the Bed” Longman
VIII: Annette “Oh, Right, That’s Who Won” Barron

WEREWOLF (most recent)

Werewolf Stats Spreadsheet

I (Pure): Matthew “The Obsessor” Gilman
I (Power): Kelly “The Novak-Destroyer” Wells

I: Matt “Exploiter of Worlds” Novak (France)

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